05 November 2023 , 07:00
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A husband has been slapped with an ultimatum by his wife after backtracking on their plan to have a second child. The 45-year-old and his other half, 40, had both been married before, and at the beginning of their relationship, they discussed and committed to the idea of raising two children.
However, after welcoming a daughter together, the man had a complete change of heart about expanding their family – he also has a kid from his previous marriage. “She came into this relationship without a child but was very upfront that two children are her plan, and if I’m not on board, that would be a deal breaker. This was 2015 when we were 37 and 33 years old, and I was on board with that plan,” he wrote on Reddit.
“Due to multiple layoffs between us, required long-distance relationship for a spell, and Covid, we didn’t get married until five years after dating, so we quickly went to work on our first child together. We had a healthy girl, who is now 18 months... once our daughter was born, I was blindsided by how little I realized I wanted another baby. I was now 43 and it had been 10 years since I had my first child, and I somehow just remember how hard a new baby can be.
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“It got even harder from there once we determined our daughter had severe food allergies and intolerances that required drastic and difficult changes for mum, who wished to continue breastfeeding, as well as sensory processing issues that bring out very aggressive behaviour and extreme tantrums if not managed properly.”
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His wife is now ready to try for another baby, but after telling her he doesn’t want another, he's been presented with a dilemma. “In our last conversation, she asked, ‘You said you worry about resenting me if we have another one, but will that resentment be temporary? As in, once we’re through those first couple of tough years, you’ll move past that?’ And to that, I can honestly answer yes. As I learned from both children, as the child ages, life gets easier with them,” he added.
“Her follow-up response to my answer is what really threw me. She said, ‘If we don’t have second child, I’ll resent you forever, but your resentment will only be temporary, so it makes sense to have a second one.’ I kind of got her point and acknowledged the logic at the time, but I am really struggling with that now. As it sank in, I feel like she casually gave me an ultimatum. We have a second child, or I’ll never forgive you, i.e. our marriage would be over.”
Sharing their thoughts on the sensitive situation, one Reddit user replied: “See a counsellor to guide you guys through these discussions. Kids are two-yes and one-no situations. Don’t bring a child into this world that you aren’t enthusiastic about.” Another added: “You’re allowed to change your mind. She’s also allowed to not change hers. It sucks, but it’s true.”