04 April 2024 , 17:19
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Dear Coleen
I’m a 28-year-old woman and have been with my fiance since we met at uni when we were both 18. We’re getting married in a month’s time and although it’s what I’ve always wanted, the nerves are starting to kick in.
I went on a hen weekend with some close friends and one of them said something that really stuck with me, which was: “Most people who get together as teenagers don’t last, so you two have done really well”.
I know these days it’s probably more unusual to marry your teenage sweetheart, but I’ve never doubted our relationship. I still don’t, but I’ve thought a lot about what my friend said and wonder if we can stay together for the rest of our lives or if it’s just a matter of time before we break up.
I’d love your opinion because this comment has really taken the shine off the wedding. Will we be enough for each other or will we feel we’ve missed out? I have spoken to my mum about it and she said the only thing I need to trust is what’s in my heart and, if I love my fiance, that’s all that matters. What do you think?
Coleen says
Well, your mum sounds like a wise woman. Look, it’s completely normal to feel nervous in the run-up to your wedding. It’s a big thing, whether you’ve been together 10 years or 10 months. It takes your relationship to another level and you’re making a serious commitment to each other in front of your closest friends and family.
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Here’s the thing about relationships – none of us knows how things are going to play out. We don’t know what challenges life will chuck at us or how we’ll change as people, but if you have someone by your side who you love and trust, you’re in a brilliant position to weather the storms and have a great life together.
You have a strong foundation for marriage, having been together for a decade already. You know each other so well – the good bits and the not so good bits. Why would you have less chance of making it than a couple who’ve been together for two years?
I’m sure your friend meant her comment to be taken positively, but if you’re nervous and stressed with all the planning and preparations, then you’re probably feeling extra sensitive. The best person to talk to is your fiance.
Be open with him, let him reassure you and remember this wedding is a celebration of your special, unique story. Good luck.