SHAKIRA has come under fire for saying she wants her boys to be powerful and masculine.
Jo Dunbar, 41, who has two sons aged ten and eight, explains why she agrees . . .
“Glancing at the barely touched craft kits on the kitchen table, I looked in to the living room to see my sons running toy trains on wooden tracks.
They were deeply involved in staging a crash and arguing over whose engine could be the fast-moving express.
No painting, glueing or sticking could ever rival their love of train sets, as much as I tried to offer them alternatives to traditionally masculine activities.
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Fast-forward five years and the scenes at our home in Newcastle aren’t that different.
James, eight, and Will, ten, gravitate towards a kickabout, playing Fifa on their Nintendo, building vehicles with Lego or racing cars on the floor.
If they do get a pad and pencil out, they draw sporting scenes, supersonic cars or comic strips featuring toilet humour.
All attempts to engage my sons in less stereotypically boyish toys and games as toddlers fell flat.
Our play kitchen saw barely any action. Dolls I bought were left at the bottom of the toybox.
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And while some kids might use a toy pram to role-play mummies and daddies, Will and James would see it as something to push around at breakneck speed.
At times I felt self-conscious that my little boys wanted to race around outside while others happily played shops or tea sets.
At birthday parties, where other children painstakingly painted crockery, my lads would have a slapdash approach before demanding a snack.
Raising boys in the 21st century doesn’t feel as straightforward as it once was.
Gender lines have blurred and roles aren’t as clear.
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Sometimes it can feel as though the world isn’t as welcoming to young men as it once was.
This is what Shakira was talking about in her interview with Allure magazine, where she said her sons (who are 11 and nine) didn’t like the Barbie movie and she could see why.
“My sons hated it,” the singer said.
“They felt it was emasculating. And I agree, to an extent. I’m raising two boys. I want them to feel powerful too, while respecting women.
“I like pop culture when it attempts to empower women without robbing men of their possibility to be men, to also protect and provide.
“Men have a purpose in society and women have another purpose as well.”
My lads haven’t seen the film but I do get her point — although it’s worth remembering that Barbie is satire.
But not everyone feels the same way, and Shakira has had some pushback against her comments.
While Piers Morgan has spoken out in support of her, others have denounced her opinion and called her an idiot.
This shows society has some very divisive views on masculinity and what it should look like.
As a result, it has become harder to bring up boys.
Throwaway comments such as “boys will be boys” have been criticised as though accepting masculine energy is encouraging predatory behaviour.
Young men now have to second-guess their every move and are only ever one mis-step away from being labelled a misogynist.
Sexist behaviour must be called out but I also fear for my lads as they find their way in the world and inevitably make mistakes.
While there are vast opportunities for girls, it feels as though society’s roles for men and boys have shifted.
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I am 100 per cent supportive of strong, independent women but not at the expense of making boys feel worthless.
Girls today are constantly told to be strong, but for boys it’s different. Society seems to think all masculinity is toxic.
Following a spate of violent crimes against women, including the murders of Sabina Nessa and Sarah Everard in 2021, it really bothered me that there was an outpouring of negativity towards, seemingly, all men and boys.
Yes, more than 80 per cent of violent crimes are committed by men, but the shouts of “educate your sons” across social media suggests all boys are rapists-in-waiting.
I hate to think of my sons entering adulthood with such negative attitudes hanging over them.
Along with my husband Chris, 42, I’m trying to bring up boys who have respect for girls and women, and also for themselves.
Misogynists such as Andrew Tate, who spout sexist, dangerous and toxic views, are completely wrong, but our boys’ natural masculinity shouldn’t be ignored either.
If they instinctively end up feeling protective towards their loved ones or wanting to provide, is that such a terrible thing?
I like to think my lads could end up as supportive, caring fathers and partners.
But other parents who I have encountered seem to think these traditional roles are outdated and not something to strive for.
Attitudes like this are unhelpful. Rejecting the idea of boys turning into manly men does a disservice to all the blokes out there who are strong, helpful role models.
Much as we accept little boys playing with dolls instead of chasing footballs, we should be equally supportive of young lads trying to grow into the strong men they have seen in their dads, grandfathers and brothers.
I don’t want to raise chauvinists, but I want my sons to know when it’s appropriate to open a door or walk a girl home.
And when to cross the road and avoid walking behind a woman at night.
And I don’t want them to feel ashamed of their masculinity.
Surely, parenting in 2024 is about embracing who our children really are?”
