Before she broke news of her cancer diagnosis to the world last week, the Princess of Wales’s priority was to tell her three children what was going on.
It will resonate with other mothers, who have faced telling youngsters that they or another loved one has cancer. We spoke to two mums whose own experience of telling kids about cancer inspired them to write books to help little ones to understand.
When Lynsey Gregory, 39, was diagnosed with leukaemia she dreaded telling her kids Theo, eight, and Tillie, five. Her daughter was just six months old at the time, but Theo, then three, was bewildered by the thought of his mother spending weeks in hospital to receive chemotherapy.
“It was such a shock when I had the diagnosis,” says Lynsey. “But my first thought was for the children. I totally understand what Kate is going through. I was heartbroken not to be with them during my treatment and my main goal was to protect them throughout it.
Lynsey Gregory dreaded telling her kids about her leukaemia diagnosis
Lynsey was diagnosed at the age of 39“I was fighting for them. I felt like I had to pull back and disconnect from the world – just to focus on them and getting them through it.”
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Lynsey, a special needs teacher, had been playing netball in November 2018 when she fell during the game and bruises appeared on her body. She reveals: “The level of bruising was unusual. A week later they still hadn’t gone down.
“I was taking Theo to the doctors and I mentioned it while I was there. He looked at the bruising and sent me for blood tests straight away at the local hospital, which showed my platelet level was really low, so they repeated the tests. A few days later, I got a call in the evening from the doctor who told me I had to go straight to A&E.”
Further tests, including a bone marrow biopsy, revealed Lynsey, from Wigan, Gtr Manchester, had leukaemia. The mum, whose husband Chris, 37, is a testing operator for military machinery, says: “I was reeling with shock when they told me what it was. I knew something was wrong but I never imagined it would be cancer.”
Lynsey had to leave the family home for four weeks of intensive chemotherapy.
“It was so hard leaving Theo,” she says. “I took an iPad into hospital with me so I could still say goodnight and read him a bedtime story over it. Then, whenever I had to go in for chemotherapy after those first four weeks, I gave Theo a job so he could feel more involved in my cancer treatment.
“He’d pack my hospital bag with Chris and we started drawing pictures, too, of me as a stick person getting my ‘superhero’ medicine to make me better. It was these drawings that really helped him understand what was happening to me.”
The drawings eventually inspired Lynsey to write a book called Mummy Goes to Hospital to explain to children where their mother is going through during cancer treatment. Lynsey, who had a stem cell transplant in 2019, says: “I wanted to help children understand it as then it becomes easier for them to cope.
“So I drew pictures of Mummy, and then how Mummy changes with losing her hair, and then wigs which we called ‘magic hair’. Then I drew Mummy in her hospital bed having medicine to make her better.
“The drawings were showing that, even though these things were happening, Mummy was still the same person.”
The book, published in February 2021, has helped lots of children to better understand a cancer diagnosis. Lynsey says: “When diagnosed, I had wonderful support from cancer charities and there was help for children and other family members.
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“But I couldn’t find anything that specifically focused on helping children come to terms with why their mummy was leaving home to go into hospital. We’d just done all these drawings when I was going through treatment to help Theo understand and I realised they could help other children, which is why I wrote the book.”
Now in remission, Lynsey took part in a catwalk show last November for Maggie’s cancer charity, which has support centres across the UK. Lynsey’s book is available in hospitals and any money raised goes to charity.
She adds: “Princess Kate needs to be with her family to get through this diagnosis. She showed great strength speaking out, but she should never have had to do this. My whole heart is with her right now and she needs to be left to be with her family to process and begin her journey to overcome this.”
Mum Caroline Leek, 49, lost her dad to cancer when she was 12 and has written the guide Telling Your Child You Have Cancer.
Londoner Caroline, director of Fruitfly Collective, an organisation that supports children, adults and families affected by cancer, she says: “When I lost my dad I felt there was no support for me as a child, so I felt there was a massive gap there that needed to be filled.”
Caroline, who has sons Thomas, 16, and Alex, 14, with her facilities manager husband James, 51, adds: “Children need someone to talk to about it, and need to have support around them.
“It’s a scary time for mothers like Kate who are facing this diagnosis, and often their first thought is ‘how do I tell my children?’ As an organisation we have tools and training on our website that helps parents support their children through this difficult time.” For further information go to fruitflycollective.com
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