MY pina colada is going down swimmingly at the pool bar, where I’m dangling my feet in warm water awaiting my spa treatment.
I feel I’ve stumbled on one of Europe’s greatest secrets — and I’m actually excited to share it with you.
For the price of an overnight stay at a top London spa, I’ve bagged a return flight to one of the Continent’s prettiest cities, three nights in a swish hotel and two days’ access to the biggest wellbeing, relaxation and entertainment centre in Europe.
Therme Bucharest in the Romanian capital has to be seen to be believed.
Picture one of those famous Center Parcs domes, then imagine it seven times bigger.
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Then there’s everything you can see and do inside the waterpark-spa hybrid, from whirling water slides for kids to high-tech treatments for couples and poolside bars, with DJs, that stag and hen parties would love.
Best of all, a day ticket, offering full access, costs from just £28.
I was visiting ahead of Therme’s launch in the UK soon.
The Bucharest site is around 20 minutes from the city centre.
The whole venue is cashless, so as well as a robe and towel on entry, I’m given an electronic bracelet that controls my locker and is used for buying food and drink, before the bill is settled at the end.
As you leave behind the unisex locker room, it’s a tale of three worlds: Play, Relax and Restore, with three zones.
The Galaxy area is a lively, family-orientated fun land, with 17 water slides, a wave pool and water playground.
Grown-ups can enjoy a hydro-massage bed, visit “wet saunas” — some of which are infused with botanicals and herbs — and sit in a relaxing salt library, with walls built from blocks on Himalayan salt, known for its medicinal and mental health benefits.
If your primary purpose is to unwind, the Palm zone, enveloped by lush, botanical plants, has been created solely for relaxation.
Three mineral pools deliver benefits to your skin and mood, while two huge swim-up bars offer alcoholic and soft drinks.
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Then there’s the Elysium, a spectacular restoration area with traditional and modern treatments.
These include hammams, infrared light therapy beds and ten different types of sauna and treatment rooms.
Spa services do cost extra, but they’re worth it.
My strenuous but soothing Signature Massage using volcanic hot and cold stones melted away any aches.
Air never below 30C
For those that don’t fancy splashing the cash but want to do more than just relax, there are 40 daily multi-sensory therapies and aquatic exercise classes which visitors can join for free.
Whether you fancy being spellbound (and sweaty) watching a traditional Aufguss sauna ritual or want an anti-stress therapy, there’s niche activities to suit any desire.
Make sure to stay until the early evening if you fancy a bit of a boogie.
Open until midnight, the place becomes an Instagrammer’s paradise after sunset, with a DJ delivering energetic vibes.
Remarkably, Therme has its own exotic climate — the air temperature never drops below 30C — so you’ll see bananas and coconuts growing on some of its cherished 800,000 trees, plants and living walls.
The pools are supplied with water that has been extracted from geothermal springs 3km below the earth’s surface.
Some of the most advanced technology in the world is used to clean and refresh it every four hours, meaning there is no need for eye-stinging levels of chlorine.
So sure is control room engineer Nico that it is some of the cleanest water in the world, he offers to take a cup straight from the pool to drink.
Having been relaxed, revived (and really impressed), Therme has certainly left me thirsty for more.
So I’ll be first in the queue when the 28-acre, £250million Therme Manchester — twice the size of Therme Bucharest — opens at TraffordCity, before hopefully being rolled out to Glasgow, London and Wales next year.
But in the meantime, with the Romanian capital just a three-hour and £20 flight away, it couldn’t be easier to get some B&R (Bucharest and Relaxation).