DEAR DEIDRE: MY family constantly asks me for financial handouts. I’m a lawyer in my thirties.
My parents and I have had a rocky relationship throughout my life.
They are the opposite of me and have always claimed benefits, refused to work and often made us homeless as they refused to pay rent.
By the time I was a teenage lad, social services had placed me with another family member and they became my rock and my safe space.
During my studies at university, a guest lecturer spoke about how she’d cut off her family but then got back into contact with them.
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This inspired me to try to re-establish contact with my own family.
However, I did try to put firm boundaries in place when I did this.
But ever since I started talking to them again all my parents have done is ask me for money.
I do earn a decent living but I’ve always downplayed that, making clear that I only just manage to cover my monthly bills.
Rather than say “no” to their multiple requests, I usually just say I don’t have any spare cash.
I believe my parents and siblings may have discovered that I earn more than I’d told them, as they have made it clear that they don’t believe me when I say I’m skint.
I’m not tight, but I know that if I help them I’ll get into financial trouble and they’ll drag me down with them.
What can I do to stop them asking me for cash?
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been through a lot and should be proud of your success.
But it’s time to tell your parents and siblings the truth, otherwise this issue will fester.
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Firmly explain that you want to be in their lives but can’t start propping everyone up financially.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you when it comes to talking to them.
They may ask you at a later date for money again but you must stick to your decision.
My support pack Family Finances may be of help to your family as it has tips on how to manage finances.
This could assist them with debts they may have.
