DEAR DEIDRE: The only way I can properly enjoy sex with my husband is by fantasising about women – but I’m no lesbian.
I would like to suggest asking another woman to join us in bed, but I know I’d be insanely jealous seeing him make love to someone else.
I’m 30 and my husband is 32. We’ve been married for two years.
Although I’ve always thought of myself as straight — I’ve never been intimate with a woman or even been attracted to one — I have always fantasised about women while self-pleasuring.
I think it turns me on because it’s so taboo. I was brought up in a religious Catholic family. They’re repressed about sex and homophobic.
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I enjoy sex with my husband but he has never been able to make me climax — unless I picture myself doing it with another woman.
He has no idea about my fantasies. But I have a feeling he’d be turned on by them, too. Part of me wants to ask another woman to join us in the bedroom so I can see whether I’d enjoy it in real life.
But I don’t think I could cope with seeing him kiss or touch someone else, let alone have full sex.
And I’m worried I might even prefer sex with the woman. I also wonder if this fantasy means I might be slightly bisexual.
Could I have repressed these feelings all my life or could my sexuality have changed?
DEIDRE SAYS: It is not uncommon for women to fantasise about sex with other women, even when they are not consciously attracted to the same sex.
That’s because sexuality is not set in stone, but is more on a sliding scale.
What’s more, we often fantasise about things that would shock us in real life because they are taboo.
As you acknowledge, your repressed upbringing could be why you have this particular fantasy. But acting on fantasies isn’t necessarily a good idea, as they rarely live up to your imagination.
Involving someone else could cause problems with your husband, especially if you are likely to feel jealous.
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And you may not be attracted to the woman who agrees, or enjoy sex with her. Instead, why not talk about your fantasies with your husband, which itself can be a real turn-on? Ask him for his.
My support pack Sexual Fantasies explains more about this issue. The one on Orgasm For Women will help too.
