A woman admitted she's dreading her "obnoxious" teenage niece coming to stay – knowing it's going to set her back £1,000 for her troubles.
Taking to Mumsnet, she explained she used to "get on well" with the youngster until she turned 13 – when her attitude changed. "My sister was divorced several years ago and is sole parent to my niece who's almost 16. Her ex lives abroad and sees his DD (dear daughter) rarely," she began.
"I ignored the snide remarks and lack of consideration or gratitude for as long as I could, but last year things reached a head," the woman added about her relationship with her niece. "She and a friend of hers came to stay with me for 4 nights, as they have a couple of times a year for some years. I live in London and when she stays I do things with them that they wouldn't be able to do where they live."
The woman claims her niece's visit is likely to set her back £1,000 (Getty Images/iStockphoto)But after taking the pair on a trip along the Thames with shopping, a film and sight-seeing thrown in afterwards, things turned ugly. "I pay for everything, obviously," she cursed. "DN's (dear niece) friend was lovely. DN was a complete nightmare. Didn't want to go out and do anything but was angling to go clubbing and angry with me for saying no. She was 14!
"Didn't want to go anywhere I suggested, couldn't suggest anything she'd like to do. One day we had a quiet day locally, because she was so adamant about not going out, and she complained we didn't do anything. I tried talking to her to find out what was going on, but she told me to eff off and then had a furious rant at me."
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The frustrated aunt added that the teen was deliberately doing her best to be "hurtful" resulting in an "awkward situation" for her friend and another "outburst" in the car that day. Their relationship became even more strained in December, meanwhile.
"Last Christmas I bought her something that I'm sure she'd said she wanted," the woman added. "Something that cost £300. I was there when she opened it, with my DM (dear mum) and DS (dear sister) and other family members around. DN opened her present, pulled a face and then threw it at me and said 'You're as s*** at buying presents as everything else' and walked out and slammed the door on us."
A telling off then "ruined" the day, prompting the niece to make "no contact" ever since. "I've messaged her occasionally and she's just ignored me," she explained. "My DS knows what DN is like, but is still anticipating that this August I'll have her and the friend to stay as usual. As the time approaches I feel less and less like doing it. Their visits cost me over £1,000, which I don't begrudge. But I'm not going to spend that sort of money and also soak up the abuse."
The woman has sought advice from fellow Mumsnet users over her dilemma (Getty Images/Tetra images RF)Raising her fears with her sister, the woman said she was told she is being "unreasonable" as she has to "face this kind of behaviour every day and it's just part of dealing with teens". She then asked for advice in the Relationships forum on how to handle her dilemma - and was met with hundreds of replies, all suggesting the same stance.
"There’s not a hope in hell that I would be hosting her, especially at such effort and expense," one woman fumed in response. Another woman agreed: "I have got teens and they don't behave like that so no, its not a part of dealing with them. No way would I be having her to stay."
A third added: "I absolutely wouldn’t be having such an ungrateful teen to stay and spending that kind of money on her. It would also be massively awkward after how she treated you at Christmas. Did your DS not make her apologise? Your sister is massively unreasonable here to expect this of you. Don’t say yes and allow them to walk all over you."
And a fourth concurred: "The behaviour isn’t normal but it sounds like your sister has normalised it in her own head, which will enable your niece to carry on as she has been. Just tell your niece and sister that the last visit didn’t work out so you won’t be repeating it again. Then stand firm."
Responding to the advice, the original poster later returned to the thread and is seemingly yet to make a decision. "I can see that I'm probably one of the safe people DN feels she can safely take her anger out on," she said. "I do kind of get it. But I still don't want to have her come and stay and act it all out on me."
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