'I was sexually abused as a child by a man - his fantasies keep me up at night'

17 May 2024 , 11:19

1015     0

Jeremy has never been able to move on from the abuse (Image: Jeremy Indika)

Jeremy Indika always has the same disturbing dream at night - he's a young boy tucked up in bed and a male figure quietly creeps into his room.

But as he gets closer and closer to the duvet, a sense of fear suddenly wakes him up. That's when he's hit with the reality - it's not a nightmare, but a flashback, decades after he was sexually abused as a child.

Jeremy is not alone; the NSPCC estimates that one in 20 children experience sexual abuse or assault. It is usually hidden from view and they may be too young, scared or embarrassed to tell anyone what is happening. The vast majority of young victims are abused by someone they know.

Jeremy was eight years old when his family friend began sexually abusing him at home (Jeremy Indika)

He still has flashbacks of the man sneaking into his bedroom at night (Jeremy Indika)

Jeremy was just eight years old when a trusted close family friend began sexually abusing him at home. For two years, he would sneak into Jeremy's bedroom at night or act when nobody else was around.

"My family and friends had no idea what was happening behind closed doors," Jeremy, from Epping, Essex, told the Mirror. "I was a popular and confident child and very sociable. Nobody suspected I was being exploited and I didn't show any signs." He said their interactions started as innocent games and he was gradually groomed into doing sexual acts.

Paedophile Gary Glitter fears attack by 'psycho' if he is moved to open prison

"I remember thinking he was cool and fun. We would play games together, but there was a darker side. He began touching my knee or hugging me. Then he taught me how to kiss, masturbate and watch porn - everything apart from penetrative sex," Jeremy, 38, explained. "I was disgusted having to touch him, but I enjoyed the attention and care. It felt weird and confusing."

Jeremy was made to believe the abuse was special. "He made sure it was kept a secret and made me think our friendship was cool and adult because of it. The more I did it, the more special I felt," he said. "I was completely manipulated for his perverted sexual fantasy. I didn't know at the time - in the '90s - that it was something I needed to tell a guardian or teacher about."

When Jeremy was 10, the man moved away and the abuse ended. "I got on with my life. I was a bit of a lad as a teenager, but I did well in my studies too," Jeremy said. "I went on to have a successful career in aerospace engineering. I would go out on the weekends, I was outgoing and sociable. I wasn't a stereotypical recluse."

But something changed when he turned 25 and the dark memories suddenly came back. "I didn't know what to do. My mental health began to suffer as memories turned to flashbacks, which turned into night terrors," he said. "I kept having the same dream where I was that boy again under the duvet in bed. And I realised it never left me."

Jeremy was groomed and made to keep it a secret for the man's perverted fantasy (Jeremy Indika)

He now raises awareness of sex abuse in schools to protect other young children (Jeremy Indika)

"I decided to tell a friend for the first time at 27 and it was such a weight off my shoulders. I couldn't believe how much stronger I felt. As the years went on, I began to open up more," Jeremy said. He found chatrooms online and spoke to other survivors, attended open mic nights, and found confidence in sharing his story on social media.

He quit his job in engineering to start his own organisation, Something to Say, to raise awareness of abuse and protect young people. Now, Jeremy talks to schools and foster carers across the country. "I tell children that nobody is allowed to make you feel uncomfortable; that there are certain areas of your body nobody is allowed to touch; that adults asking you to keep secrets isn't okay," he said.

In 2018, Jeremy reported his alleged abuser to the police. The man denied it and the case was closed nine months later due to a lack of evidence. "I was so angry and worried that he was still doing it to other children," Jeremy said. "So I decided to find out where he lived and I knocked on his door. I wanted him to admit what he did to me."

In a twist of fate, Jeremy was arrested in 2019 and found guilty of assault, fined and handed a restriction order. "I share my criminal record with pupils too, to show how it can unfold for a survivor when there is no evidence in a historic case," he said. "We need to tackle sexual abuse before it happens and encourage children to share when it does."

As well as speaking to children, Jeremy said the next level of taboo is reaching abusers. He explained: "We need to reach offenders before they act and it's too late. The Lucy Faithfull Foundation has a helpline you can call if you're worried about your thoughts or behaviour. That way we can stop the person from abusing in the first place."

If there had been more awareness of sexual abuse when Jeremy was younger, he might not have been a victim. "I don't think you can ever truly move on if you've been exploited and manipulated in a sexual way, especially at a prepubescent age," he said. "I still have night terrors often, but the more I share my story and help others, the more they go away."

Highest ranking Catholic cleric not offered state funeral over child abuse case

If you have any concerns about a child, contact the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or ChildLine on 0800 1111. If you have any concerns about your own or someone else's thoughts, get in touch with the Stop It Now helpline.

Nia Dalton