A man has sparked a debate after refusing to donate a kidney to his dying sister because she married his high school bully. The 35-year-old says he was "bullied severely" at school due to his sexuality - and now he has to see the man who tormented him at every family gathering.
He said on Reddit: "When I was in high school, I was bullied severely by Darren*. I won't go into the details, but it was really bad, past the point of typical high school duchebagery. In my sophomore year, I made the mistake of coming out to one of my friends, who promptly spread this information around the school.
"Before this, Darren had targeted me for being unathletic and wearing glasses and had done this to a couple of other kids as well, but after I was outed it was only me, and only because of my sexuality." After graduating from high school, he moved away for college and started to forget about Darren after meeting new friends and even a boyfriend.
But that was until his sister, Ellie*, introduced her new boyfriend, Darren, to the family during a holiday. He added: "No joke, the first thing he said when he saw me was 'Damn Ellie, you didn’t tell me your brother's a ***'” Ellie laughed, as did my dad. I was kinda stunned, but I didn’t yell or start a fight, I just got up and walked out.
"After the fact, my family tried to play it off as Darren was joking because he was nervous meeting the family, and they told me that he and Ellie were serious so I had to get over it." Fed up, he told his family he would not attend any events with Darren - and he privately told his sister how her dating Darren was hurtful to him.
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He said: "She basically called me too sensitive and told me she has the right to date who she likes, which yeah she does. Since then, I've been putting distance between myself and my family, who seem to have readily accepted Darren into the fold. "
However, his mum reached out to him after Ellie was admitted to hospital and needed a kidney transplant. He added: "The rest of the family had been tested and none could donate, and my mum wanted me to get tested because I'm her full brother with a high likelihood of a match. The thing is, after all these years, Ellie is basically a stranger to me.
"If I were to do this, I'd have to drive three states back to my hometown, miss who knows how much work, and give up a piece of my flesh, all for the woman who dated and eventually married the guy who made my high school days a living hell.
"I told my mum that I wouldn't be getting tested, and she freaked out at me over the phone. I quickly hung up on her, but before I did I heard her call me vindictive and a monster for refusing to save my sister’s life. I admit I feel guilty about it."
While most users praised him for putting himself first, others explained how he might not even be a suitable match. One user said: "Don't feel guilty, she chose a person who was a monster to you growing up and insulted you as soon as he saw you later on as an adult. F*** her and her kidneys. I’d go no contact if I was you, I went no contact on my family and couldn’t be happier!"
Another user added: "When our family is toxic like yours is, we need to cut them out like a tumor. It's your body and your choice. They have not treated you like you matter so they will reap what they sowed. They are the assholes, not you. You are not guilty." A third user said: "You are not obligated to donate your kidney to anyone, let alone someone who treated you the way your sister did. We all must live with the consequences of our behaviour and actions."
* Darren and Ellie's names have been changed.
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