A serial cheater says he relishes any chance he gets to 'explore' new desires, as he wants to make the most of it before he gets 'ugly' and 'old'.
The man, who wants to only be known as Nate, is 38 and happily married with two kids. But away from his nuclear family, Nate lives a complete double life, helping other women explore their secret desires and fulfilling his own.
Nate says he loves being able to " have my cake and eat it elsewhere" as it means he is no longer "putting pressure" on his wife to cater to his sexual needs.
He seeks out long-term affairs covertly on Ashley Madison - the world's largest married dating site - and has zero interest in one-night flings as he forms emotional connections with his lovers. According to Nate, the thrill is in the riskiness of the whole operation. And he doesn't want it to end.
Ashley Madison is the world's biggest married dating site (PA)His first affair around nine years ago left him feelting 'guilty', but it didn't stop him, as he's cheated on his wife with six long-term sexual partners in total. Nate revealed: "I've been using the site on and off for about 7 years. My first affair was accidental, if you can call it that. It was with a senior director at a Christmas party, she very attractive. We got into her office in a very nice, high rise building and she came onto me.
Millions blocked from iconic iPhone app forever after 10 years in major shutdown
"We had some fun. The fact she was older was definitely a turn on. the power dynamic was part of it. She didn't have any children. She was beautiful, she looked amazing, had had her boobs done, went to the salon once a week. She was giving permission and leading the way.
"At the time I felt quite guilty about it and torn. Then I moved onto a different job, and I left it for a little while. But I started getting an itch for it. Could I do that again? I am not the kind of person to get chatting people up in bars. I saw an advert for Ashley Madison and was intrigued."
Nate soon realised his 'itch' had to be scratched and signed up to the seductive platform. He quickly found a match and started his first long-term affair that lasted six months. The dad-of-two said: "It was this ladies' first time. We were both really nervous. We met in a cafe and had a lovely coffee. The danger of being caught is part of the thrill.
"We met every two or three weeks. Her partner was away a lot and he had a free house most of the time, then he started working at home. We discussed meeting at hotels, but she wanted to do it at her house. She fantasised about having sex all around the house in different rooms. Her partner was working abroad, it wasn't like he was a few miles away. But sometimes there'd be a door knock and we'd both be petrified."
Nate's cheating confidence has grown since his first affair and he's hooked up with multiple women behind his wife's back. But he says he never gets complacent about being caught red-handed. He explained: "I don't ever want to get caught. Whenever I stare off the precipice of what could go wrong, it is potentially quite awful.
"I compartmentalise the experience, and that way I can enjoy myself. I was nervous to meet the first woman. I have become much more confident in that - with all of it. I don't have a paper trial. I use a new email account each time. I only use web based messaging tools and don't keep photos of videos. Everything has to be wiped from my phone."
Extramarital dating app Ashley Madison was infamously plunged into the spotlight when hackers leaked users' private information and laid bare millions of secret affairs in 2015. And now a new bombshell Netflix documentary has delved into the data breach, pulling the controversy back into the public eye.
Nate's sneaky lifestyle does bring security fears, as he revealed: "I do worry, what happens if this comes out? What happens if there is another massive hack and my details are out there? As far as I can see, you wouldn't be able to spot me from my profile. But that might be naive, there might be more in it than that."
For him, the trick to living a double life is finding the most realistic lies to tell his wife. "People wouldn't think I am a serial cheater. It is not like I am lying and cheating in everything I do. I work at home most of the week, but I'm in London sometimes, so it's not unusual for me to go for work drinks," Nate revealed.
"It's all about finding the right cover story. I don't stay in the hotel. You have to find the right private space and not be too far away from home. I don't have the app on my phone either, I just log in and out or my browser."
Google running a secret test for YouTube users – but only some people can see it
Dishing details on his latest affair, Nate said: "I'm currently seeing an older women - she's 50, very attractive, in great shape, has invested in herself and has great youthful personality. We went on a couple of dates before taking things further - this was her first affair but she was very clear minded about wanting to finally have some fun and let rip.
"Since her 50th birthday and some health scares, she's decided to live life with no regrets. She and her husband sleep in separate beds, so there's literally no sex going on and hasn't been for years. We connected really well sexually and have the same goals from the relationship, including trying out a sex club together in the near future.
"She's got so much she's keen to explore and she's happy to listen and (re)learn. It's like uncorking a bottle, she's insatiable. I've dated older women in the past and she has those similar traits where she's financially independent, it's all about her/our sexual pleasure (of course there's the mental connection too but it's primarily physical), she knows what she wants, and there's no emotional issues about about falling in love."
Nate knows that "anyone would be really upset if they got cheated on" but still believes the pay-off is worth the risk. He said: "Since the affairs, I feel much more satisfied with life, I'm exploring things before I get too old or ugly. Life can get you any moment. I am doing things which my partner has no intention to do. It takes the pressure off for me.
"In our marriage, I always try and work on that and our sex life. We are very different with out outlook on sex and pleasure. That is pretty fundamental. I think I'd stop having affairs if we found a place where we had that. But I am no longer putting pressure on her. We can find the sex life she's happy with. I can have my cake and eat it elsewhere.
"There has never been a moment where I thought she was close to finding out. I practice safe sex. I would also be really keen to explore a more open relationship. It's just about the way that happens."
Nate believes the post-pandemic return to work is heightening people's temptations to have affairs. He said: "I'm surprised by the numbers of women who now travel and stay over places for work - and are looking for some secret indulgence. I guess that's because of the post-Covid work environment, with people's work requiring them to connect more in person, but traditionally I'd always seen it as guys doing the travelling and being put up in a hotel.
"I wouldn't be surprised if there's a whole new generation of working, independent-minded women out there who have this work pattern and are tempted to indulge into a bit of pleasure whilst they're away."
Meanwhile, a recent survey by Ashley Madison revealed that unfaithful partners are far less likely to 'cheat' in other aspects of their lives, as they prefer to keep infidelity exclusive to the bedroom. When it comes to politics, men and women on the site are both equally loyal to their political parties, with 86% saying they would rather cheat on their partner (87% of men compared to 86% of women). Members on the lucrative site also take their caffeine fix very seriously, as 85% of those surveyed would rather cheat on their partner than their regular coffee order.
"Infidelity can be incredibly nuanced and occurs for a number of different reasons," says Christoph Kraemer, Managing Director Europe at Ashley Madison. "When someone has an affair, we are told that the person must be disloyal in all areas of their life. Our members prove this to be a myth, opening the door for a deeper conversation on what lies in the heart of a so-called cheater."
Read more similar news:
Comments:
comments powered by Disqus
