DEVASTATED Hannah Spearritt has broken her silence after the death of her first love and S Club 7 bandmate Paul Cattermole — admitting: “I can’t stop crying.”
In an emotional interview, Hannah told how Paul once struggled with being in the limelight but was the most excited of the group about their planned reunion tour.
And she revealed that before signing up the pair, who dated for seven years, laughed and hugged at a meeting to “clear the air”.
Yet his death was so sudden, they still never got to say goodbye.
Paul, 46, was found dead at his home in Dorset on April 6.
From tongue scraping to saying no, here are 12 health trends to try in 2023
Hannah said: “It’s still so raw and I have these moments where I don’t quite believe that it’s real. I still can’t believe I will never see him again.
“It’s all the more tragic because he was looking forward to the tour the most out of all of us. He just wanted to have fun and enjoy it.”
The day after Paul died — six months before the group’s sold-out tour was set to begin — Hannah woke up to a text message from the band’s tour manager saying she had “very sad and tragic news”.
Hannah added: “I called the number and was told, ‘Paul has sadly passed, Paul has died’. I couldn’t make sense of it and had so many questions. I was trying to process it but I just couldn’t.”
She has thrown herself into family life with partner Adam Thomas, 42, and their kids Taya, four, and Tora, two. But, when she is alone, the grief can be overwhelming.
Hannah said: “I’m trying my best to hold it together but once I start, I can’t stop crying. And then I have to keep myself together for our two kids. I can’t even imagine any mother losing their child.”
The cause of death has not yet been confirmed but Paul’s family have said it was not suspicious.
Hannah, 42, added: “My heart is broken for him and his family. He was happier than he had been in years, so for this to happen now, makes it even more heartbreaking.
“And with Paul being famous, it makes it more difficult emotionally as it’s a lot harder to block it all out, which is my coping mechanism.
“Having said that, the messages of support have been heartwarming — they have helped bring a little ray of sunshine within the darkness.”
How to de-clutter if you have a beauty stash to last you a lifetime
It was announced in February that S Club 7 would be reuniting for a special 25th anniversary tour.
But Paul and Hannah had not spoken for eight years after a bitter break-up in 2015.
Things ended so acrimoniously that her management team organised a “clear the air” meeting with a mediator in London back in January to find a way through their issues.
Hannah said: “It was important for me to see him and to know that we could work together and not make the band feel awkward.
“I wanted to put everything behind us and look to the future.
“Ultimately, you only know when you see someone and look them in the eye, in terms of how things are going to be. It was a heart to heart and we spoke about everything that had gone on.
"We spoke about how we both felt about doing the tour, our reasons for doing it and if we would be OK to work together again. There was a lot at stake.”
While she was initially nervous about the meeting, the pair were soon reminiscing about their early days in the band in the late 1990s.
Hannah smiled as she recalled: “Paul spoke very fondly of those early days. We then found ourselves laughing a lot. We were there for about an hour. We sort of had this awkward hug at the end.
"When I got home that evening to my partner Adam and our two little girls, I knew then that I could do it.”
Hannah first met Paul when she was 13.
Both were members of the National Youth Music Theatre and appearing in the play Pendragon.
Three years later, both were chosen to be in S Club 7, put together by ex-Spice Girls manager Simon Fuller.
Hannah had auditioned while Paul was approached directly.
The pair grew closer and moved into a rented flat in East Finchley, North London.
But it wasn’t until the band relocated to Los Angeles in 1999 to film their TV series Miami 7 for the BBC that their friendship became romantic.
Hannah said: “He was my first true love. I think it was something that grew from a solid friendship. I’m glad I had that first time round. I was completely in love with him — probably more so than he with me.”
Paul left the band in 2002 and the couple called it quits four years later.
Hannah added: “Paul never wanted fame and he became increasingly unhappy. I just wanted a little bit more of a faster pace of life and Paul was more of a deep thinker, and probably a lot more philosophical than I am.”
They rekindled their romance when S Club reunited in 2015 but things lasted only three months before they cut all ties for good.
She said: “We both realised very quickly that it wasn’t good for either of us, he even said it.”
On their January meeting, Hannah added: “Paul was so open and honest about his struggles. We’d ironed out all our problems.
"Obviously we didn’t get to say goodbye, but I am grateful to have had that time with him to make peace as I know that’s all we both wanted.”
While there have been no formal talks about the future of the reunion tour due to start this October, Hannah believes that it will go ahead in Paul’s honour.
She said: “We’ll speak to his family. He’d still need to be a big part of it whether that’s a big tribute at the beginning or the end. He will always be on stage with us.”
S Club: The last photo
THE last picture of S Club 7 with Paul was taken backstage during filming for a Red Nose Day skit — and was the final time Hannah would see him.
It shows the pair with bandmates Rachel Stevens, 45, Tina Barrett, 46, Jo O’Meara, 43, and Bradley McIntosh, 41, who took the selfie. Seventh member Jon Lee, 40, was unable to attend filming on February 27 after he was taken ill.
Hannah said: “We all had such a great time that day.
"I remember saying to everyone that we should all get together and take a selfie.
"I think it was taken on Rachel’s phone and we all shared it afterwards.”
The group starred in a sketch where a panel including Graham Norton, Sam Ryder and Lulu auditioned S Club 7 to be the UK’s official Eurovision entry.
Hannah said: “Paul made us all laugh so much. It was such a special day.”
