DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having incredible sex with my best friend, but while I thought we were destined to be together, he saw me as his bit on the side.
Three years ago we blurred the lines when we had unforgettable sex on my balcony.
I was worried this passionate night might have ruined our friendship but we became closer than ever, and addicted to sex with one another, even when he started seeing another woman.
I’m 31 and my best friend is 30. This other woman is 23.
We met at university and we remained close friends for more than ten years.
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Things became difficult when he started telling me all their intimate details, what she liked and didn’t like in bed, and asking my opinion as if we were still just friends.
I went along with it to begin with but then the feelings of jealousy overcame me and I confessed that I wasn’t comfortable. I gave him an ultimatum — her or me.
He chose her and I felt so betrayed — I still do. But I suppose I shouldn’t really be surprised.
She’s eight years younger than me and is a professional dancer.
I hadn’t seen him for a year but then last month we saw each other at a mutual friend’s wedding.
Our eyes locked instantly, but when I saw his plus one was pregnant, my heart crumpled again.
I locked myself in the toilet and sobbed. To my surprise he came and found me.
He wiped my tears and wrote his number down on a tissue and said if I ever want a rendezvous I should call him.
I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much, our friendship, the sex everything.
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A part of me feels it’s wrong because he has a girlfriend who’s expecting, but another big part of me thinks I shouldn’t care because he was mine first. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You were right to give him an ultimatum because you weren’t in a healthy dynamic.
It’s only natural to feel torn, but he made his decision and now there is a child on the way so you have even more reason for you to keep your distance.
You stood up for yourself which is commendable so don’t let his decision undermine you and affect your self worth.
He is attracted to you otherwise he wouldn’t have propositioned you again, but don’t let him have his cake and eat it.
It’s time to move on to find a partner who is open to commitment.
My support packs Mending A Broken Heart and Widening Your Social Scene explain more.
