DEAR DEIDRE: MY menopausal wife kicked me out because she found pornography on my laptop.
We have been married for 12 years. I’m 49 and my wife is 47.
We don’t have children together, but I took on her two teenagers as my own.
Family life was good up until my wife hit the menopause.
She struggled with different symptoms and would often knock me back if I tried to initiate sex.
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I turned to porn and it became a comfort to me when I wasn’t receiving any love from my wife.
It was a private thing I kept to myself and I would often wait until she was asleep to sneak downstairs to watch it alone so that she wouldn’t find out.
Unfortunately, she uncovered my secret one day while having a little snoop on laptop.
She hit the roof without giving me a chance to explain. Before I knew it I was out the door and told not to come back.
I thought she would calm down after a few days but it’s been over a week and she still won’t return any of my belongings or let me speak to the children.
She even took me off the insurance on our car which I was only made aware of when the police pulled me over.
And now I’ve just received a notification that she’s cancelled our family holiday to Greece, I’m devastated about it all.
She’s kicked me out before in the past, but she’s never taken it this far.
I think it’s really over this time – how do I save my marriage?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Menopause can be a difficult time and I hope your wife is receiving the support she needs.
Menopause or no menopause, some people would regard watching pornography as a form of cheating and it sounds like your wife feels betrayed in some way upon discovering this.
It’s important that you both feel heard, understood and respected in order to save your marriage and perhaps couples counselling would provide the right environment for this to happen.
Find a moment to attempt communication with your wife again and ask her if she would be willing to attend with you.
You can find a reputable counsellor in your area by going through tavistockrelationships.org.
