BRACE yourselves comedy fans.
The funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe has just been revealed by the Dave TV Channel, and if it appeared in our Christmas crackers there’d be a mass conversion to the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Take it away, Lorna Rose Treen.
“I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah . . . ”
It’s the sort of line that, by rights, should be greeted by a two-minute silence in memory of comedy.
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I should immediately remind you, however, this was genuinely the winning joke and Dave’s list featured nine other entries that were mildly amusing observations, at best, and about as funny as a minefield at a Busy Bees nursery at worst.
That the most important comedy festival in the world could glory in such dross will not be a surprise to the vast majority of punters who’ve known for years that the Edinburgh Fringe is a byword for witless, self-indulgent, student rubbish.
‘Witless hypocrites’
On a personal level, though, it’s still a bit of a sadness.
From the early 90s onwards, before the woke revolution ruined it, I attended the Fringe every summer, saw Harry Hill, Al Murray and Frank Skinner at the start of their careers, and always came away convinced I’d seen a bright, funny future for the comedy and television industry.
That all changed about ten years ago when, on a whim, I attended a gig by a comedian called Grainne Maguire, who announced at the start it was a routine about her journey into membership of the Labour Party.
For the first and last time that afternoon, I laughed out loud at such an obviously ridiculous suggestion.
It turned out, though, she wasn’t joking.
It really was a routine about her love affair with the Labour Party and she was applauded all the way by her easy-to-please audience.
Grainne, who went on to open for ex-leader Ed Miliband, the poor sod, at a Labour Party Conference, wasn’t an aberration, either.
It turned out there were now lots of other left-wing activists — like Nish Kumar and Suzi Ruffell — masquerading under the banner “comedian”, who were in fact just horrible people chasing easy applause from a like-minded crowd.
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They are the reason why I no longer go anywhere near the Edinburgh Fringe.
And if you doubted the wisdom of this move, then I’d like to think you’ve been given a reality check by other events in Edinburgh this month, which culminated in the cancellation of a gig by Father Ted creator Graham Linehan.
By any standards, Linehan is a comedy genius, with a string of awards for Father Ted, The IT Crowd and Black Books, as well as writing credits for The Fast Show and Brass Eye.
He also happens to believe very passionately that women don’t have penises, they should have their own safe places and children shouldn’t be mutilated in the name of trans rights.
Opinions that, I’m sure, are shared by the vast bulk of the population.
In the dark, narrow-minded world of modern comedy, though, his refusal to toe the woke line has made him persona non grata, to the extent he was banned from appearing as a surprise guest at the Leith Arches venue this month on the grounds it’s “an inclusive venue”.
You could choke on the irony and stupidity of the Leith Arches’ indignation, of course, but what really takes my breath away is the deafening silence from the comedy industry that greeted this cancellation.
I expected no better, obviously, from the witless hypocrites who run television and happily employ left-wing Frankie Boyle, who makes rape jokes about Victoria Pendleton, but won’t now touch Linehan, who has only ever sought to protect women.
The thing that should make everyone despair, though, is the lack of support from his fellow writers and comedians, who would all have been begging Linehan to write them a part in one of his sitcoms ten years ago.
Now? When he needs them most? These “edgy” and “brave” stand-ups, who are normally so outspoken, slink away silently into the Edinburgh night to lecture us all about injustice and the evil, fascist Tories.
There are heroic exceptions, naturally, like Andrew Doyle, Leo Kearse and Simon Evans, who have all put their necks on the line for Graham Linehan.
But the rest?
‘Woke tyranny’
Cowardice, stupidity, ambition, a basic lack of principles and talent lie at the heart of their betrayal.
Because if you eliminate from the comedy equation genuinely funny men like Linehan and Jerry Sadowitz, who was cancelled at the 2022 Edinburgh Fringe for alleged “racism, sexism and homophobia” and getting his willy out, it creates an empty space that’s filled with lesser talents who will be slyly grateful for all the work.
If you’re expecting left-of-centre television industry executives to lead any sort of fightback against the woke tyranny, though, I have bad news for you.
For want of a quiet life or because they agree with it, they go along with most of this anti-scientific madness.
In such a poisonous atmosphere, the only things that can possibly survive are the bland and the militantly woke. Neither is good.
So television will just hope the Linehan row goes away and continue to fill its panel shows, sitcoms and Live At The Apollo slots with the Lorna Rose Treens of this world and the angry young frauds of the Edinburgh Fringe — and then wonder why nobody is watching any of their lousy shows.
Rest in peace, comedy.