WHO hasn’t wanted to travel through time?
Imagine going back to when “social media” meant going to the pub with a newspaper.
And sending an instant message required a carrier pigeon.
That’s the magic of travelling on Britain’s vast canal and river network.
It transports you back to the 1800s, while cruising at 2.5mph.
From tongue scraping to saying no, here are 12 health trends to try in 2023
I’ll confess there were nerves as I first set eyes on our narrowboat, Matilda. I’d never captained anything greater than a pedalo.
And while this floating palace is just 7ft wide, it’s 62ft long and weighs the same as a lorry.
But after a comprehensive introduction to our home for the next four nights, and a briefing on how to operate canal locks, our fears were put at ease.
The beauty of canal life is the leisurely pace.
You can’t go roaring down the river like a speedboat on Miami Vice.
Top speed on the water is 4mph, but in reality you’ll average half that as you pass other boats and wildlife.
And this boat is rear-wheel steer with no brakes.
The only thing to slow you down is reverse throttle.
Going slowly becomes an art form as you thread a horizontal two-bedroom cottage between meandering river bank and reed beds.
How to de-clutter if you have a beauty stash to last you a lifetime
No road rage
So you’ll frequently get overtaken by pedestrians on the towpath and by flotillas of bobbing ducks.
But you don’t care because everyone is smiling — fellow boaters, as well as joggers and fishermen, all give you the same knowing nod.
They chose the slow lane for a reason. There are no traffic lights, no road rage, no airport security and no jet lag.
There’s just endless rolling countryside and wonderful pubs.
We started off on our journey at Wigrams Turn marina in Warwickshire, where we collected Matilda from Black Prince Holidays’ Napton base.
It’s an excellent starting point as you’re at the junction of the Oxford and Grand Union canals.
You can set off in any of three directions for adventure.
The Black Prince Holidays team can recommend the right route for you depending on what sights you’d like to see and how long you have.
The Warwickshire Ring will take you right up to Birmingham and back, with a pit stop at Shakespeare’s house.
The 100-mile loop will need eight hours of cruising a day to get round in a week.
We chose a short round trip towards Welford, Northants.
This would take in two tunnels and the flight of locks at Watford.
We soon made ourselves at home below deck.
All craft come with showers, a fully equipped kitchen, TV and DVD players.
Our set-up had two bathrooms, with bedrooms to the rear and a dining area at the front.
Vessels also come with central heating, which we made use of one soggy night.
We were tucking into freshly cooked pizzas, warmly cocooned onboard, as the weather raged outside.
Raindrops on the rooftop are the best soundtrack to any sleep.
Back on deck, the locks are the first challenge.
But there’s never any worry and usually plenty of friendly fellow boaters on hand.
We breezed through the six locks at Braunston and headed straight for the 1.8-mile Braunston Tunnel.
Our trip into the darkness showed what an incredible feat of engineering the network was.
Or should that be “feet”, as “legging” was the only way through when this tunnel first opened.
With no towpath, men lay on their backs and “walked” along the tunnel walls to get barges through.
Once clear, we headed to the locks at Watford — seven of them, which raise you 52ft up on to the Leicester Summit.
They look daunting, but no fears — they’re manned by Canal and River Trust volunteers.
To the south, you bob under the West Coast Mainline, with intercity trains roaring past at 125mph.
And to the north, you chug under the M1 motorway to the roar of thundering lorries.
Just under two miles up river is the Crick tunnel. While it’s shorter than Braunston at 1,400 metres, it’s a lot damper.
Water constantly drips from above and the kids can marvel at the stalactites lining the tunnel walls.
Obviously you don’t need sat nav on the river.
But the OpenCanals app is a must, listing the mooring points, supply stops and, most importantly, the best pubs en route.
On the way back, we moored south of Braunston Tunnel and headed for the Admiral Nelson at Lock No 3.
This is what canal boating is all about — sipping a cold cider as the boats rise and fall before tucking into a burger and chips.
If you’re really hungry, they’ve got the “widebeam challenge” — a whopping 80oz rump steak, with chips and onion rings.
Clear your plate in less than an hour and the £49.99 monster is free. But why rush?
I now prefer the slow life. You can keep your broadband and superfast 5G downloads.
In future, I’ll have my hands on the tiller.
