Real Housewives of New Jersey star Jackie Goldschneider has opened up about her "decades long" anorexia battle that left her feeling "tortured" by her weight.
The reality star opened up about her battle with her weight in her upcoming memoir, The Weight of Beautiful. She admitted that putting her trauma into a book was "therapeutic."
Jackie said: "It all came to me in a flash. Once I started that recovery process, all of these secrets felt like poison inside me. And I had to get rid of them. I was like, ‘If I put it all down in a book, I can get them out of me.’ It was therapeutic.”
“I thought I would just die with those secrets,” she added. “I can’t believe that this thing that I thought would eventually kill me turned into this amazing book that will help others. I’m really proud of it.”
Jackie is now in recovery (Rodolfo Martinez/Bravo)
She detailing her story in a book (Charles Sykes/Bravo via Getty Images)During her chat with Page Six, Jackie also revealed that after moving away from her hometown in Staten Island to the Garden State, she felt "isolated" and "found comfort in food," which she recalls her mother "providing in excess."
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“My mom worked like an animal and she was not home a lot,” Goldschneider said of her mother Ann Mark, who ran a thriving IT business in New York City. “And when she was home, she would cook enormous amounts of food. She would get joy out of seeing us eat all of it.”
Jackie also revealed that she once thought there was “some weird malicious” intent behind her mum’s constant need to feed her and after finding out about her grandparent's history as survivors of the Holocaust, she discovered a deeper meaning behind it.
“When I started my recovery, I did have a talk with her about how she taught me to overeat, and she explained to me the origins of how food was so scarce for her [family],” she said. "My mom spent all these years thinking … food was just a gift from God. And so that was her mentality, like, ‘You find food, just eat it all.’”
She says Real Housewives saved her life (Rodolfo Martinez/Bravo)Later on in life, Jackie explained that she started starving herself. "I was cutting a lot [out of my diet] and I was really on a dangerous path. Once I started counting calories, it was all downhill.” After seeking help, she discovered that sharing her recovery journey on the Real Housewives held her more accountable, and she says the show "essentially saved my life.”
After filming her intake meeting at Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders, Goldschneider — whose anorexia had weakened her heartbeat and halted menstruation, among other health concerns — discovered that one wrong move without aid from professionals could have been fatal.
“[I was told that] starting to eat again can make your blood circulate so much faster that you are at risk of a heart attack,” she said. “I’m lucky to be alive. I could’ve died and that really scared me.”
UK If you're worried about your health or the health of somebody else, you can contact SEED eating disorder support service on 01482 718130 or on their website, https://seedeatingdisorders.org.uk/. Alternatively, if you're based in the US and you or someone you know is struggling with body image or eating concerns, the National Eating Disorders Association's is available by phone or text at 1-800-931-2237 or by click-to-chat message at . For 24/7 crisis situations, text "NEDA" to 741-741.
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