S Club 7's Hannah Spearritt has admitted she blamed herself when she first heard that Paul Cattermole had died, after fearing her former boyfriend had died by suicide.
The 46-year-old was found dead in his Dorset home in April, just seven weeks after the 90s pop band had announced their UK and Ireland comeback tour. A post-mortem later revealed that Paul had died of natural causes, including cardiac arrhythmia, acute myocardial ischemia and severe coronary artery atheroma and intraplaque hemorrhage.
Prior to learning Paul's cause of death, Hannah had feared Paul had taken his life after receiving a "deeply disturbing" email from him in 2021. The message resulted in the exes to sit down with a mediator in January, but what they discussed remains unknown - with Hannah vowing to never reveal what her ex said to her.
S Club 7 had announced their reunion tour just weeks before Paul's death (Dave J. Hogan/Getty Images For X)Hannah, 42, insisted she will "never ever reveal the contents of that email." She also said she does not discuss it in her upcoming memoir, Facing the Music, and "will take it to the grave." "I didn’t tell anybody about it at the time because it was pretty clear that he wasn’t very well," she told the Sun. "The things he said were of great concern. It was a lot."
When the news that they'd had a mediation session broke just days before Paul's death, Hannah panicked and began to hold herself partially responsible. "I started blaming myself. I had all these things going through my head, it was all blame, blame, blame. It was horrible," she said. "I thought maybe he believed the email was about to come out and that perhaps I was about to share it."
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Hannah pulled out of the S Club 7 tour in May, after admitting she couldn't "stop crying" over the loss of Paul. That same month, she announced she would releasing her first-ever memoir in the fall, with her bombshell autobiography set to be released the same date her former bandmates begin their tour.
"As one-seventh of an iconic pop band, I have spent most of my life in the limelight. Now, I’m ready to lift the lid on the truth behind the headlines,” she said in a statement. "In this new autobiography, I will open up about my life to reveal all on my personal story and the reality of life behind the mask of fame, the story of S Club 7 and the journey beyond."
As for whether or not she'll perform with S Club 7 ever again, Hannah said, "I just don’t know. I’m glad that the tour is still going ahead and the songs will live on, but now I’m looking forward, not backwards."
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