WHEN Ashley Cain’s daughter Azaylia passed away in his arms from a rare form of cancer, he vowed to carry her in his heart forever.
Now, two years after she lost her fight for life aged just eight months, the reality star has revealed he is preparing to become a dad again — and his little girl in heaven was the first person to know.
In an exclusive interview with The Sun on Sunday, the former footballer, 33, broke down in tears as he spoke of visiting his daughter’s grave to tell her that she was going to be a big sister.
Ashley said: “The first thing that I did was go down to Azaylia’s resting place to talk to her about it.
“I believe that was a huge part that has allowed me to feel positive about it. I feel like she was the main person that I needed to speak to and to get this thing off my chest.
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“After going to her resting place and speaking to her about it, I just had a feeling in my heart and in my soul that she was happy for me.
“She was happy that she had a little brother and it is now just someone else for her to watch over and protect in this world.”
Ashley had been preparing to take on the Yukon 1000 — the world’s toughest survival endurance race from Canada, through the Arctic circle, to Alaska — when he received a message in July from a friend, who he was dating at the time.
“I got a call from a girl I was seeing who I have known since I was 18,” he said.
“We are friends and have met up on and off over the years.
‘Every child is a blessing’
“She is a really nice person and good to be around. I got a message saying that she needed to speak to me so I went to see her and she told me she was pregnant — I can’t put into words how that felt.
“The thought of potentially having another child after losing one was very difficult to understand for me.
“The Yukon gave me a lot of time and solitude to think and it made me understand that, even though this next part of my journey is going to be hard, I truly understood that every child that comes into this world is a blessing.”
Ashley said it was important for him to find out the sex of their baby ahead of their due date next month.
Stepping into the clinic, he said: “It was a nerve-racking time.
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“I was walking into the unknown but I had not been into an environment like that since I lost Azaylia. It was hard but it was beautiful, and at that moment I thought, ‘I am ready to do this’.”
Of finding out the sex, he said: “In the back of my head I didn’t really know how to deal or cope with it if it was a little girl.
“It could have been fine but it could have been heartbreaking all over again and I wasn’t sure.
“The truth is that if it was a little girl, she would still be a blessing and I would still be over the moon and the best daddy — it would just be another bit of pain to navigate.
“Now it means I have a little girl and a little boy, which is perfect for me.
“Azaylia would have loved a little brother and this is now my chance to do what I was meant to do on this Earth.”
But Ashley’s strength was tested again when the couple discovered at the 20-week scan that their baby has a potential heart defect.
He said: “They couldn’t find the connection between one of the valves and the heart so it was another very difficult time for me.
“I had already been through a really tough journey with Azaylia. I had already lost a child and I was worried and scared it could happen again.”
He continued: “He has got to go for a scan as soon as he is born to make sure and double check.
“I am saying my prayers, believing positive things and getting myself in the right mindframe either way to be there for her and my son.”
In 2020 Ashley and aesthetic practitioner Safiyya Vorajee, 35, were devastated when their little girl Azaylia Diamond Cain was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia at eight weeks.
She had tumours on her lungs, stomach and kidneys and was given several rounds of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant at Birmingham Children’s Hospital.
Ashley and Safiyya chose to share every step of their journey, including the days leading up to Azaylia’s death.
She passed peacefully in the arms of her parents at their home in Nuneaton, Warks, in April 2021.
After supporting each other in their darkest hour, Ashley and Safiyya announced their split last year
Despite this, they have dedicated their lives to The Azaylia Foundation — fighting the shortage of doctors and treatments specialising in childhood cancer, while also supporting families requiring treatment abroad.
Given their close relationship, Ashley said it was important for him to sit down with Safiyya to tell her about the pregnancy.
He said: “It was painful for Safiyya but it was also painful for me as well to talk to her.
‘Hero in the sky’
“We haven’t been together for a while now and it is inevitable that at some stage people are going to move on with their lives — that doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends and have an amazing relationship.
“I know Safiyya will always support me and I will always be there to support Safiyya. It wasn’t an easy conversation or filled with smiles but it was a conversation that had a lot of truth and respect.”
However, Ashley said he cannot help but feel “guilty” at the prospect of holding his newborn son next month while his little girl is no longer with him.
“When I think about being a daddy again and bringing my son into this world, obviously I do feel guilty because I wish and pray that Azaylia could be here as well,” he said.
“I know that Azaylia would have been the most incredible big sister in the world because she is a fighter — strong and courageous.”
Fighting back tears, he added: “It is tough. Life is tough and every day for me is tough. As soon as he is old enough I want to take him down to Azaylia’s resting place.
“I want him to know who his big sister is and I want him to understand what she has done for this world.”
Ashley said that he is planning to be a hands-on father to his little boy despite not being in a relationship with the mum.
He said: “I want to be a hero to my son for the hero that I have got in the sky. I look up to her every single day that my eyes open and I want my son to be able to look up to me the same.
“I know this is going to be tough and difficult but it is also going to be magnificently beautiful.
“I am really, really excited and happy and I can’t wait to see what this next part brings.”
