GORGING on turkey followed by a nap in front of a film is how many of us will spend Christmas Day.
But former royal butler Grant Harrold today reveals rules you should follow to make your festivities memorable.
The etiquette expert who served Charles and Camilla for six years, shares his seasonal dos and don’ts with Claire Dunwell.
DO NOT BE A CRACKER CHEAT
IT’S always best to wait until you have had the starter – and no one likes a cracker cheat either.
Do not kill the fun for everyone else by ending up with all the novelty gifts.
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The pull should be like a gentle handshake and, if you get the snap right, everyone gets something.
Checking each cracker to see which weighs the most, then swapping them around to hedge your bets, is also bad form.
And do not repeat the same joke over and over to get laughs – it’s embarrassing.
PAPER NAPKINS FOR ONE YEAR ONLY
I WOULDN’T want to be invited to someone’s house if they were serving a sophisticated meal with a napkin.
You may as well put kitchen paper on the table.
In the current climate you can get away with them because they’re cheaper.
But when the cost-of-living crisis is over, please go back to linen.
Napkins are acceptable for picnics and ghastly takeaways.
But, in the comfort of one’s home, we always use the finest Irish linen.
FILL THE WINE GLASSES FAIRLY
IF someone is playing butler and pouring wine, that’s tasteful – but make sure they do it equally!
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There is nothing worse than sitting around a table and seeing someone else getting more than you.
Pace yourself with the booze and only have a maximum of two glasses during the starter.
All gin and tonics must be served with traditional ice (square, not in the shape of Santa).
If you offer lemon or lime, keep it finely sliced, not hacked into chunks.
SOFT TOPICS FOR TABLE CHAT
TALK of politics, money and religion should be banned around the dinner table.
Stick to soft topics such as the weather or plans for the New Year.
If you take on the big stuff, there will be family fallouts and it could turn into the United Nations around the table.
Bust-ups on Christmas Day happen among the lowest of the low.
If there is an altercation, stand firm and ask your guests to take their grievances outside.
If that fails, luring them into a cold shower should solve it.
TACKY JUMPERS DESERVE PRAISE
WHETHER it is going to be Santa outfits or black tie, make sure everyone gets the memo on what to wear.
You don’t want half the table looking like they are from Disneyland and the other from Downton Abbey.
If Aunt Peggy turns up wearing a Rudolph jumper, pay her a compliment, even if she looks ridiculous.
Hosts don’t want guests walking around in shoes, so take yours off.
But you must wear pristine socks . . . or take your slippers.
PORTION CONTROL YOURSELF
RATHER than controlling what your guests eat, give them the option to help themselves from serving bowls.
Side note: it is the only time bowls should be allowed on the table, unless they have soup in them.
Don’t pile your plate high, either.
Remember you are not at the Toby Carvery. Three potatoes and four sprouts is the maximum.
It is acceptable to go back for seconds, but only when invited. Unless you want to play Santa in next year’s panto, go easy on the desserts.
DO NOT ARRIVE EARLY (OR LEAVE TOO LATE)
CHRISTMAS lunch in the royal household is from around 1pm, and has to be over by 3pm, as tea follows an hour later.
Pushing the meal to 2pm means your guests will not be hungry later.
If you do eat later than that – and folk are fed and watered by 6pm – offering them a glass of sherry and a mince pie is completely adequate before shipping them off home.
LOSE GAMES GRACIOUSLY
PARTY games can get heated and having full-blown rows on December 25 is not the sign of a high-end soiree.
Stick to tradition and go with charades.
If you lose, simply smile, clap and behave like a true lady or gentleman, even if you are quietly seething.
Do not panic if you nod off after the King’s Speech.
It is completely acceptable, unless you are the host, then it is very bad form.
Most importantly, whatever goes right, or wrong, just enjoy the day.
It really is the most wonderful time of the year.
BE PROMPT AND DON’T OVERSTAY
TURN up at the time you have been asked, not before, because it shows the politest of manners. Sit in the car if you must.
Always arrive at the time given or up to ten minutes after.
Not a minute later, unless you ring and explain why you can’t make it on time.
When it comes to leaving, do not wait until the lights are out and the host is asleep
Only stay if the host offers you another drink – and read the room.
ETIQUETTE SECRETS OF A ROYAL CHRISTMAS
TIMEKEEPING IS KEY: Timings are everything in a royal household and guests must ensure they arrive on time.
We don’t keep the King and Queen waiting.
Once, the Queen was kept waiting by a guest and you could see her pacing up and down checking her watch.
However, once the guest arrived she was very polite and charming and luckily she did not send them to the tower.
UNDERDRESS AT YOUR PERIL: Overdressing is the norm in a royal home with any royal host.
Black tie is perfectly acceptable and there is no Christmas onesie in sight here.
Guests to the royal households always make sure they know the dress code before their arrival.
On occasions guests may arrive without certain items, including bow ties!
We would always have a back-up and it was not unusual for a Royal to allow a guest to borrow one of their own items.
They always gave them back.
TAKE TURNS TO SPEAK: At the royal dinner table on Christmas Day, there is a conversation etiquette which means the King will speak to the guest on his right during the starter and main, and the guest to his left during pudding and coffee.
It is crucial that guests around the table do not get confused, otherwise the room may resemble a telecommunications centre.
There have been occasions when a guest doesn’t understand this rule, but the King is a master at explaining to visitors who get confused about who they speak to and when to change.
If the King told me what to do, I would listen.
