THE stall owner grins: “I’ll give you a good deal. That’s why I’m Robbie Williams’s right-hand man when it comes to designer clobber.”
Standing in the middle of one of 60 heaving lanes in Istanbul’s Grand Bazaar, it was easy to see why so many, including (supposedly) British pop legends, flock to stock up on designer dupes.
We didn’t leave disappointed — or empty-handed — thanks to the host of stalls boasting designer-inspired accessories, handmade jewellery, spices, tea and enough Turkish Delight to fill Wonka’s entire factory.
I didn’t know what to expect before flying into the Turkish city, known as the meeting point between Europe and Asia.
Of course, I’d heard of the country’s white sandy beaches and mighty mezze.
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But the covered market, one of the oldest in Europe, set the tone for this trip — that each place on our three-day whistlestop tour was going to be bigger, bolder and more breathtaking than the last.
Take the Basilica Cistern.
From the outside, you’re unsure why the queue of both tourists and locals snakes across the length of three streets.
But as you head inside and descend a few hundred metres down, you quickly realise why it’s more commonly known as the underground palace.
The 970-metre-long chamber was rediscovered in 1545 but thought to have existed since 532AD.
Lining it are more than 330 marble columns designed, hand-crafted and perfectly preserved by locals — and uniquely transformed by the shadows cast by the modern artworks placed between them.
But our gasps grew a little louder inside the Hagia Sophia.
Having sat on the same spot since the days of the Roman Empire, it’s a big part of the puzzle that is Istanbul’s history.
Originally built as a Byzantine cathedral in 537AD, it’s now a place of Muslim worship, yet the walls are adorned with huge, hand-painted mosaics of Jesus, the Virgin Mary and many other Christian saints.
There have been changes for 2024 though.
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Now tourists and worshippers access the building via separate entrances.
Tourists are now charged £22 to go in and are restricted to the upper galleries.
For the best experience, arrive early or book a guided tour.
Nine-storey spire
And one of the first spots to visit on any trip to Istanbul should be the Galata Tower, which offers the best views of the city.
It’s hard to miss the nine-storey spire, which looks like it’s escaped the pages of Rapunzel, while wandering the typically European cobbled streets.
The 360-degree viewing platform at the top really helps you get your bearings — dusk is the ideal time.
To the west, you’ll see the part of the city that sits on European soil, and to the east, the half that straddles Asia.
You’ll also spot the Black Sea, and just some of the 15 million locals that call this city home.
One thing I had correctly anticipated was the fact that houmous, baba ganoush and baklava would never compare once I’d had them authentically made.
A short wander from Sultanahmet Square and the Grand Mosque, the four-star Ottoman Hotel Imperial is ideal if you want a luxe place to sleep in the heart of the old town that’s also great value.
But it’s Matbah Ottoman Palace Cuisine, the small family-run restaurant inside, that makes it stand out.
Not only does it offer uninterrupted views of the Turkish skyline, but also some of the best Turkish Delights — and not just the type made from syrup and sugar.
Of course the babaganus was a hit, but it was the hünkar begendi (a combo of melt-in-the-mouth beef laid on top of smooth, spiced eggplant) that was exceptional.
If it is sweet treats you’re after, make sure to stop by Karaköy Güllüoglu, which serves more varieties of baklava than even our local host was anticipating.
My favourites were the hazelnut or chilled (stuffed with vanilla bean ice-cream) varieties.
And for those due to head home via the new direct Wizz Air flights to London Luton, they’ll even wrap up your order airtight.
Then, if your elasticated waistline still has some give, head to Muutto Anatolian Tapas Bar, where the nine-course tasting menu offers a modern twist on Turkish classics.
After 15 plates of flatbread, the consensus was the main courses were totally worth skipping, as long as the cinnamon-spiced houmous and truffle-topped taramasalata kept coming.
Luckily, with the new four-hour flights to Istanbul, a quick trip over to get another fix doesn’t seem too far-fetched — or too far in the future.
