Georgia Kousoulou has recalled the moments after she discovered she was suffering a miscarriage.
The star who found fame on The Only Way Is Essex lost her second child 12 weeks into her pregnancy last year. Georgia and her husband Tommy Mallet discovered that their child had triploid, a rare condition where a baby's cells have 69 chromosomes instead of 46.
When two sperm fertilise one egg, the condition occurs and can be life-threatening, meaning babies could be born stillborn, have congenital problems or survive for just a few hours. Georgia, 32, required surgery and was advised by doctors to have a termination on medical grounds. Now, Georgia has opened up about motherhood and her heartache in her "honest" book, I Wish I Knew.
In a heartbreaking twist, Georgia was filming at the time of her miscarriage and was surrounded by camera crew, who she admits are like family to her, Tommy, 31, and their son Brody. Discussing her heartache, Georgia told me: "I just kind of got on with it. Writing the book was hard because I had to go back over it."
"At the same time, I knew the reaction how well it did show in that, that rawness on TV and how many people it helped, so I know that this is going to help an even wider reach. Sometimes, I do think that things have happened to me so I can help people and that gives me peace."
Pregnant Stacey Solomon brands herself an 'old fogy' over NYE plans with JoeThe star went on to add: "The more people that talk about it because it's not nice feeling like you're the only one it's ever happened to, it's a very lonely time. The more I talk, will help but then it will hopefully inspire other people." But while Tommy was on hand to support her, Georgia admits that their handling of grief was very different.
"Tommy's way was carrying on and keeping busy," Georgia said, adding: "Whereas I just wanted everyone to stop and time to stop, obviously it didn't, it's just really hard. There's no right way to grieve and I think that's really important to let people know. Whatever way you do it, is up to you. They say time's a healer, let's see."
In April 2023, Georgia told fans: "Our 12 week scan to be told our baby had not survived & I needed an op… 12 weeks of feeling every emotion, hoping & praying but in the end, nothing else we could of done. We don't really have the words to say right now except we are lucky to have amazing family & friends around us .. & most importantly we are blessed to have our beautiful brody who we couldn't of got through this without him."
Following the birth of Brody, Georgia admits to struggling and enduring a dark period. But unbeknownst to her, her husband, then fiancé had noticed. During a chat with Georgia's mum and the midwife, Tommy intervened and told them she wasn't "OK". "I was so happy that he knew because then I could start the process of feeling normal again," she said.
The mum continued: "I didn't want to come out and say it because I felt bad of the feelings I felt, so if someone else said it, it weren't as bad, it weren't as scary. Saying it out loud would be so scary, I was so thankful he noticed. But I don't know why I was shocked, you can't get away with anything, it's ridiculous – I've never known someone so intuned with my brain, it's a joke."
Georgia joked that their relationship is "weird" as Tommy can often read her mind and tells her to stop "overthinking" while they're lying in bed. But while she had her doting husband to support her, Georgia admits coming home from the hospital with little Brody was extremely nerve-wracking.
"Them few days after I came home," were the lowest points for Georgia as she adjusted to motherhood while feeling "really sad and so hormonal". She continued: "It was a really hard couple of months. Everyone around you is so happy and you're just stuck wondering why you're not happy. That's when I needed this book."
I Wish I Knew by Georgia Kousoulou is out now, retailing for £18.99.
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at the Miscarriage Association. You can call them on 01924 200799 or email info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk