THE NEXT time Simon from Surrey pours out his heart to talkSPORT about the woes of supporting Manchester United, spare a thought for ‘Steven’ from Coventry.
‘Steven’ is not his real name. We are keeping his identity secret to spare the shame and indignity of being outed as a Coventry City supporter.
Because unlike United in recent years who may have been a bit crap, the Sky Blues really have been to s***ville and back.
Which is why there should be no debate about who I and the rest of the country should be rooting for on Sunday when the two teams meet at Wembley in their FA Cup semi-final.
Being ‘sent to Coventry’ is a metaphorical punishment. But being temporarily ghosted by pals is nowhere near as extreme as having to stay there and support the city’s football team.
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‘Steven’ is just one of hundreds if not thousands of helpless victims unable to escape this miserable addiction — like eating toilet paper (yes, people do do it).
‘Steven’ moved away and found a new life with a successful career but still couldn’t shake the drug of watching the Sky Blues.
One day in 2016 he took a mate with him to see City play at Cambridge, appropriately in the FA Cup.
‘Steven’ was hoping to turn his pal into a fan like him and imagined them enjoying memorable boy time together on road trips to and from games. Firming up their friendship by celebrating famous victories in the pub and on long car journeys with a mix tape blaring away.
But things went wrong when League Two Cambridge stuck four goals past League One Cov, with Luke Berry scoring them all.
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‘Steven’ noticed a change in his mate, who seemed more distant, different somehow. Finally the ‘friend’ came clean and confessed that he would prefer to support Cambridge instead — and he still does.
‘Steven’ also got done for speeding on the way home (three points is still three points, son) and Coventry were relegated to League Two at the end of the season.
Still the nightmare went on. The following season ‘Steven’ went with his dad to see City play Yeovil in League Two.
He told me (in a disguised voice): “We were outclassed and outplayed. I had now seen City lose in the Premier League, Championship, League One and League Two. I made a point of going to the home game later that season as we had finally picked up form — we lost 6-2.”
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Coventry went 51 years without a promotion season between 1967 and 2018.
Since winning the 1987 FA Cup courtesy of Gary Mabbutt’s knee, there have been three relegations, one administration, countless humiliations and years of frustration.
Home games played in entirely different cities, ownership strife, fan protests and being forced to groundshare with London rugby club Wasps.
After plummeting out of the Premier League in 2001, there have been 13 different full-time managers — but even Sky Blue diehards lose count when you ask.
In that same period Manchester United have won six Premier Leagues, two FA Cups, five League Cups, the Champions League, Europa League and Club World Cup.
But they haven’t won the league for 11 years and have American owners they don’t particularly like. Heartbreaking.
There are more like ‘Steven’. ‘Mark’ drove from home to Oldham one night and broke down on the M6 en route. He arrived at half-time with City 1-0 up. They lost 2-1.
One of ‘David’s’ first dates with his new girlfriend was to see Coventry at home to non-league Worcester City in the FA Cup first round. What a way to impress a girl.
City were knocked out by the Conference North side 2-1. ‘David’ and his new beau were two lovebirds among 8,000 devotees on a blustery Sunday in November 2014.
There is at least a happy ending. ‘David’ is soon to wed that loyal lady who can see beyond his obvious weakness and will dedicate her life to caring for the man of her dreams.
‘David’ tells me he will be at Wembley on Sunday cheering on the love of his life in full kit.
THE END OF THE MAGIC
THE dear old FA Cup is being forced to make room for boring group stage European matches.
Sorry, that should read, boring ‘Swiss-style format’ European matches.
There’s a difference apparently.
I love the third-round replays because I am a bit of a dinosaur and watching the big clubs cock it up at home then lose away is cracking entertainment. But that’s not the issue.
Bringing forward the FA Cup final to the penultimate weekend of the domestic season means the oldest cup competition in the world is now robbed of its grand finale place in the calendar.
Yes, it has happened before but that doesn’t mean it’s OK.
Even though the Cup is normally dominated by the elite teams, the likes of Crystal Palace and Hull can enjoy a huge day out and a puncher’s chance of victory.
The Premier League is scrapping games the night before to allow build-up to the big occasion next season. But there might be some the day after.
Thus making the FA Cup final merely a bridging tournament as the title race hots up.
RIP FA CUP.
CLOCK UP
WATCHING Gabriel Jesus petulantly toss the ball away and mouth off to the referee in the final, frantic few minutes of Arsenal’s 1-0 Champions League defeat at Bayern Munich, something struck me.
Instead of booking tetchy footballers for such unsportsmanlike acts, why don’t refs just knock 30 seconds off whatever stoppage time is left?
The Gunners were desperate for an equaliser on Wednesday night and every second was precious.
If the losing team knows that any outburst like that will cost them on the clock, it will soon put an end to it.
ALL DUN?
THE goalless draw for Rangers at Dundee means they are now without a win in three games.
It has blown the Scottish title race wide open.
Such drama north of the border.
Who on earth do you think might win the Premiership instead of them?