'Worried rushing into sex will jinx my relationship'

15 May 2024 , 17:19

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'I’m desperate to sleep with him because there’s so much sexual chemistry' (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

I’m a 29-year-old woman and I’ve finally met a guy I like a lot. We met online and have had a few dates and things are going great. He’s stayed over at my place once and we slept in the same bed, but didn’t have sex.

We got quite intimate, and it was lovely, but I made some excuse about getting up early the next day and he was happy just to talk until we fell asleep.

My dilemma is, in the past I’ve had a lot of short-lived ­relationships and I’ve always jumped into bed quite quickly with whoever I’ve been with, plus I’ve had a lot of casual hook-ups.

I want this relationship to be different because I really think it has potential and I don’t want to jinx it or mess it up by having sex too quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m desperate to sleep with him because there’s so much sexual chemistry and it’s taking all my willpower not to give in.

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What do you think? Am I overthinking it and is there ever a right time to take things to the next stage if you’re serious about someone?

I’ve never been in a serious, long-term relationship, but I’m hopeful this could be it.

Coleen says

I do worry you’re overthinking this. I always think sex should be a natural thing that happens when it feels right for both of you. So, my advice is, go with it if it feels right and if he’s the right person it won’t affect how the relationship plays out.

If the stars are aligned for you, that’s all that matters and not what you did in past relationships.

Some relationships don’t progress past the fun sex stage and that’s perfectly OK, too. Those guys in the past weren’t suitable for you as a life partner, but I’m sure you had a good time with some of them and learned things that have given you more insight when it comes to dating.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. Also, why not just have the conversation with the guy you’re seeing? Talking honestly and intimately with him will hopefully bring you closer.

Something like: “I’m really into you, but I’m wary of rushing into things as past relationships haven’t worked out when it’s been all about sex from the start.” Open up the communication and see what he has to say.

Remember, this stage should be fun and exciting, so don’t let rules stand in the way of getting to know him and allowing the relationship to grow.

Coleen Nolan