MADE In Chelsea legend Louise Thompson has revealed she'll never be mentally ready to have another baby after nearly dying in labour.
The 34-year-old former reality star lost three-and-a-half litres of blood following the arrival of her son Leo by emergency C-section in 2021.
Louise was convinced she would die as doctors scrambled to keep her alive after she suffered a massive haemorrhage.
Her traumatised fiancé Ryan Libbey, 33, could only watch on in horror; he's still not ready to have therapy to process the upsetting situation three years on.
Things got even worse when Louise eventually returned home and suffered another haemorrhage, during which she lost five litres of blood and woke up in intensive care.
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The harrowing ordeals led to a myriad of health issues, the most recent of which saw Louise bravely reveal she has a stoma.
Appearing on Lorraine today, Louise ruled out having another child. She said: "It’s still fairly inconclusive. I will never mentally be strong enough to carry a child and, physically, I have something called asherman syndrome where my uterus is glued together with scar tissue.
"I suppose in one sense, it’s a bit of a miracle that I didn’t have to have a hysterectomy, so I do still have a womb. I had a year with no periods, then I had a surgery to try and fix that and then that ended up in another haemorrhage so where I am left currently is that the hospital have sort of said ‘It would be too threatening.
"We wouldn't want to do another surgery in that area. Let’s let you live’. Equally I am so grateful to have one beautiful, healthy child who has lots of friends and cousins. I do have ovaries and embryos so there is a chance I could freeze some eggs… when I am ready…”
Louise has written a book called 'Lucky' about her near-death experiences, laying bare all the shocking details.
It's publication comes as Louise claims to be '95 per cent' recovered from her hellish three years.
She said: “I think I’ve reached a place now where I do genuinely feel lucky to have survived and come out the other side, and to be okay physically but mentally as well because there is a point in time where I never, ever, ever thought I would get back to this place. I was verging on… I wasn’t able to function following the childbirth…
“I’ve had several life-saving operations now and in total, I think I’ve lost twelve litres of blood over the course of just a couple of years. And prior to all of this, I had no experience of a hospital environment. I’d been really, really well, very healthy; like the poster girl of health. Nothing could have prepared me for it.”
Perhaps most harrowing of all is the fact Louise was conscious for the entire post-labour surgery and fiancé Ryan saw it all happen.
She continued: “It’s unthinkable. I think that that definitely contributed to the development of PTSD because you’re aware of everything that’s going on. You’re witnessing yourself bleed to death and you can see the panic in the room, you can feel the shaky hands on your body.
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"I wish that I had been put to sleep. I have spoken to some other women who have been through some fairly traumatic births and they were put under general anaesthetic and their partner had to leave the room.
"It was one of the things that I questioned when I went back for my birth debrief when I finally felt strong enough two years later to try and get some answers - there wasn’t really a good explanation to be honest.”
In an interview with The Mail Online, Louise admitted that the doctors and nurses all seemed distressed during the process.
They told her that her womb had torn which caused the extensive haemorrhage.
The blood she lost was the equivalent of three quarters of the volume in the body.
Louise said: "No one gave us any reassurance; it was all like some sick nightmare."
"‘Everyone in the room looked very distressed, I could feel their shaky hands on my body. If they’d allowed me to have a planned c-section, things could have been very different."
Louise also admitted that she almost felt in shock after the birth as she was left 'unable to function'.
"I didn’t care if I died. I just wanted someone else to kill me because I didn’t have the confidence to do it myself," she revealed.
"I was in a state of perpetual fear and hyper-vigilance, unable to function for a large period of time, sitting on the sofa, completely losing my soul, my personality."
It all impacted her initial connection with baby Leo.
Louise admitted: "I really was not a good parent for a very long time. For most of his first few months I couldn’t have told you what he was doing or even who was looking after him.
She added: "When I did see him, I would hold him at arm’s length. I didn’t talk or sing to him."
Her medical problems continued long after her surgeries. She suffered from the chronic inflammatory bowel disease, Ulcerative Colitis.
Back in April, Louise opened up about the condition as she revealed her stoma bag, which she has named Winnie.
She will need to wear the device for the rest of her life after having her colon removed.
Watch Lorraine weekdays from 9am on ITV1 & ITVX
