'Our relationship has died, so how do I tell him it’s over?'

19 June 2024 , 20:35

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I just don’t want to be with him any more (Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF)

Dear Coleen

I’m a 24-year-old woman and have been living with my boyfriend, who is also 24, for two years. We originally met at uni, but didn’t start dating until the year after we left.

My problem is, I don’t want to be with him anymore. I cringe when he touches me, avoid sex whenever possible and go out with my friends in the evenings to avoid being at home alone with him.

I know that sounds awful, especially as he’s a good guy and great fun, which is why I fell in love with him in the first place. But although I still love him, it’s more as a friend.

The main problem is, he’s still so immature. While I, and most of our friends, have moved on with our lives, he still acts like he’s at uni and isn’t serious about anything, including earning enough to pay the rent. And whenever he has to make a decision, instead of asking me what I think, he’ll call his mum.

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I’ve started to look at other guys too, and find them attractive, which is another sign I’m in the wrong relationship.

But how do I end things with my boyfriend? I’m scared to have the conversation because I care about him and don’t want to hurt him. Please advise.

Coleen says

I’m not going to tell you it’s easy to end a relationship because it’s not, even when you know it’s the right thing to do. You can’t avoid the heartbreak, but you can let your boyfriend down gently.

You are both still so young and maybe neither of you is ready for this kind of commitment. Perhaps what you actually need is more experience of life and a few more relationships before settling down with someone.

So, rather than focusing on him behaving immaturely or irresponsibly, you could talk about not feeling ready to take those next steps with him – or anyone for that matter.

Reading between the lines, I think that you’re being the ­grown-up, responsible one because someone needs to take that role, but what you’d really like is to not feel you have to answer to anyone or keep on top of the bills.

I think you’d love to meet new people, have more experiences and just have some fun.

You should be enjoying life right now and you should want to have sex with your partner, but you’re doing everything to avoid him.

That’s not a good situation for either of you, so be brave and have the conversation. Good luck.

'My wife said she'd stop seeing fella at work but I keep catching them at it'

Coleen Nolan