DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has cheated on me throughout our marriage but each time I try to kick him out my children blackmail me into taking him back.
I am a 53-year-old woman, my husband is 54, we have been married for 28 years and have four adult children.
Even before we got married, a colleague of my husband warned me about his reputation.
But he dismissed her as spiteful and so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Years later I found love letters in his work bag and a photo of a female colleague.
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He insisted it was nothing serious but I knew he was lying.
For the sake of my young children, I hid the hurt and soldiered on.
My children have all left home now so recently when I found sexually explicit messages on his phone to a different work colleague I decided I’d had enough.
He is totally unrepentant and still pretends nothing has happened with this latest woman.
I’ve tried to kick him out twice and each time he goes to stay with one of my daughters.
Each time my children have warned me to take him back, or they won’t let me see my grandchildren.
I feel as though my life is not my own.
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a horrible way to live. Your husband has been sexually unfaithful and has deceived you for your entire relationship.
His behaviour will have totally undermined your confidence in your own judgement.
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You have every right to want out of this sham of a marriage so don’t let your children dictate to you how you handle this.
Dealing with family manipulation can be stressful but your grandchildren will suffer the most if you are cut off from them.
You might feel a sense of duty towards your family but in the end you have to put your own wellbeing, which is suffering, first.