LOUNGING in the hot-pink Cadillac Jacuzzi as the pool’s resident DJ plays Balearic beats, I feel like I’ve died and gone to Barbie heaven.
My other half Nick and I have checked into Hotel Grand Paradiso for a long weekend of kid-free fun, and as first impressions go, this is something else.
On the outskirts of San Antonio, the adults-only Grand Paradiso is the coolest hotel we’ve ever stayed at – a Wes-Anderson-inspired, art-deco dream decked out in pink, green and gold, with a cinema showing daily screenings and bedrooms named after iconic film-makers.
Ours comes with its own disco ball and bar, plus balcony with killer views over the bay.
About (Ibiza) Town
Of course, no one comes to Ibiza to stay in their room, no matter how gorgeous, so we throw on our glad rags and head to Ibiza town.
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First things first, we line our bellies at burger joint The Butcher with The Babaganoush – an Aberdeen Angus patty topped with mashed, grilled aubergine, £11, and a peanut-butter milkshake, £6.50 (The-butcher.com).
After a wander through the side streets of the Old Town, lined with buzzing bars, fairy lights and tumbling bougainvillea flowers, we hit the OG super-club, Pacha.
Turning 50 this year, the iconic venue doesn’t disappoint, with banging tunes and a spectacular light show in the main room, as well as a beautiful open-air terrace to catch a breather. Entry costs from £25 (Pacha.com).
To live our best rockstar lives, we don our finest swimwear for a day at Tanit Beach Club on Playa D’En Bossa’s sands – an uber-glam restaurant and bar complete with DJs, podium dancers and luxe sunloungers.
We feast on amazing chicken Thai red curry, £23, and wild tuna loin with white miso sauce, £32, before a refreshing dip in the sea (Tanitbeachibiza.com).
Water trip
The next day, we hop on the water taxi down to San Antonio harbour, £3.50 one way, for a mooch around the hippy market at El Paseo de las Fuentes, a tree-lined square with a cluster of fountains. It’s the perfect spot for souvenir shopping, including dream-catchers, jewellery, leather bags and artwork.
For a meal to remember, head to the magical Villa Mercedes – a traditional home dating back to 1901, with lush gardens, live music and stunning harbour views. We start proceedings with the Island Mule cocktail, which consists of vodka, grapefruit juice, lemon juice, rosemary syrup and ginger beer, £15.50, before tucking into caviar empanaditas, £15.50, and fresh catch of the day grilled fish and chips, from £60 per kilo, and a moreish side of padron peppers, £7.
The creamiest dulce de leche flan I’ve ever had makes for the perfect finish, £8.50 (Villamercedesibiza.com).
On our last day, we lunch at San Antonio’s El Rincón de Pepe – a delightfully rustic little spot with tapas starting at £6, before we take a once-in-a-lifetime jet-ski ride to Las Puertas del Cielo – AKA the Gates of Heaven – a spectacular rock formation.
Whizzing along behind our guide, we spot dolphins and flying fish leaping out of the crystal-clear waters, before taking a swim in a secluded cove.
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A 80-minute jet-ski excursion costs £180 (Ibizajetskibeach.com).
Barbie World has absolutely nothing on this place…
