"HE calls it Terminal Four like he's going to Heathrow," the wife of James Whale - who is living with stage-four, terminal cancer - jokes.
While he may have been forced to miss two weeks of his TalkTV show due to ill health, it certainly doesn't show as the upbeat broadcaster, 72, lays out his plans to hold two funerals... so that he can attend one himself.
Nadine, 58, whom he married a year after his 2020 diagnosis, explains how she'll hand out heaps of James' "crazy" shirts for mourners to wear, since he's accumulated no less than 200 over the years.
The pair soon burst into fits of laughter at how shock jock James' brother Keith is a lay preacher, but poignantly add that they're hoping he will assist the vicar in conducting the services.
It's hard to believe the radio personality was given just months to live when his kidney cancer - which was first detected in 2000 - spread to his spine, brain and lungs during the pandemic.
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Three years on and the chirpy star continues to work like a trooper, presenting his namesake programme every Saturday until midnight, while also fronting his Tales of the Whales podcast with Nadine, who he affectionately calls Lady W.
"I'm not dead yet. I'm very keen on working," James says frankly. "But I am on a limited amount of time and I do get a bit fed up with everybody saying, 'Oh that's it. James is on his deathbed, no more of that, he's gone.'
"I could actually just give up and disappear. But that's where I am. I could be here until this time next year, or I could be dead by Christmas."
Nadine admits she feared the worst when James was unable to get out of bed earlier this month, sleeping for 22 hours a day, with a lost appetite.
But he's continuing to defy doctors' prognoses and was back at Talk Towers the weekend after our interview, where he was reunited on-air with old pals Ash Gould and Lizzie Cundy.
"I'm suffering with... what do women having the menopause get?" he asks Nadine, before adding, "Hot flashes. Yeah, I quite enjoy having those."
Always able to see the funny side to his ailments, the pair remind each other about his super-sensitive reaction to a steroid called Dexamethasone, prescribed in good faith by a doctor.
Nadine says, "I brought him home, not only awake and eating, but pinging off the walls and completely bonkers.
"That was the time you thought you were God," she adds to her husband, "You were alternating between wandering around the garden with a big staff, thinking you were a divine being, to totally believing you were back in the Big Brother house.
"I walked up to him and he went, 'Oh for God's sake, go back to hair and makeup and get yourself sorted out!'"
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James chimes in, "There are lots of positives to this overdose thing. I had to call for Nadine one Saturday night, she was downstairs. And she came out of the room in her pyjamas but suddenly changed into this Medusa character in a leather bikini, carrying a sword."
Nadine quickly interrupts, "I didn't actually do that, it was all in his head! But the worst thing, in the hospital, was absolutely mortifying..."
After they debate between themselves whether to tell the story, she continues, "He decided to tell the doctors that I hadn't had sex in two years and that when I got home, I was going to get a right good seeing to. It was met with polite but very awkward laughter."
Despite their joking about, James certainly hasn't been naive to the effects of cancer over the years.
He was widowed when his wife Melinda tragically passed away in May 2018 from lung cancer, and he launched the James Whale Fund for Kidney Cancer in 2006, the UK's leading specialist charity of its kind.
One of the country's most revered radio personalities, James recently received the first ever TRIC Recognition Award for his outstanding work across 50 years.
His late-night series, the James Whale Show, which was broadcast live simultaneously on Radio Aire in Leeds and ITV in the 1980s, made the genre famous.
He spent 13 years presenting weeknights on talkSPORT from 1995 before moving onto a drivetime show on LBC broadcasting every weekday for four years, sparking a huge ratings rise.
So, when asked what kind of legacy he hopes to leave behind, the dad-of-two replies, "Just being remembered is good enough to be honest. I can be remembered as the rudest man on radio or TV, which I'm really not.
"Or I could be remembered as the person who opened up late night broadcast in this country, after it happened everywhere else in the world.
"Listen, we're all gonna die. Every single one of us will die. It's almost as if life writes a story for you to live... and when you can live forever, I think it'll be a really boring, dull place.
"I never thought I'd live to 72. It was quite old and quite elderly at one point. Suddenly, I think back, 'Where on earth has all that time gone?' Just gotta make the most of it."
"But I definitely don't want to end up in a care home. I'd quite like to be with Nadine and our dogs until the end."
- James Whale Unleashed airs Saturdays between 10pm and 1am on TalkTV and TalkRadio.
