FORMER Home Secretary Michael Howard has had his car stolen from central London.
During his tenure, he was known for his tough stance on crime (“prison works”) but ironically has now become just another statistic in the rising number of what appear to be regarded by police as “petty thefts”.
Memo to chief constables everywhere: It’s not “petty” to us. But I digress.
Neighbourhood apps are now stuffed to the gunnels with desperate people trying to track down their stolen cars after discovering the police have little to zero interest in helping them.
So the streets of Britain are now treated as a smorgasbord of treats by organised, steal-to-order gangs who help themselves with impunity to whatever expensive car might net them the biggest payout.
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While knowing full well that the chances of them ever being caught are virtually non existent.
Little wonder that, in the first half of this year alone, car thefts nationally have rocketed by 40 per cent, with the West Midlands in first place followed closely by London.
A man I chatted to at a charity event the other night told me his Range Rover Sport was stolen from outside his house and, three months later, the replacement was stolen too.
Understandably, his insurance company is now refusing him a policy for the same model.
Now, you might read this and be saying to yourself, “serves him right for buying himself such a swanky car”.
But surely people should be able to spend their hard-earned money as they see fit? And if a man’s home is considered to be his castle (i.e. he has a right to defend it), why not his car too?
It’s the criminals we should be judging, not the victim of their theft.
But in the meantime, we are having to adapt our behaviour to protect ourselves in lawless Britain.
Consequently, sales of trackers and steering locks continue to rise, and those with keyless cars are increasingly storing their fobs in a signal-blocking pouch.
Others, like me with my ageing Mini, are opting for less valuable cars in the hope they won’t be attractive to thieves. And yet, back to Mr Howard . . .
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“It was a seven-year-old Toyota Prius, so I can’t understand why anyone would want to steal it,” Mr Howard, above, says.
Baffling indeed, until his wife Sandra reveals the car contained, “clothes, handbag, laptops, work files” and “two freezer bags full of a long-weekend’s worth of food”.
Some two-bit opportunist waited for their moment
Sigh. Even if it was all in the boot, some two-bit opportunist probably saw it go in there, waited for their moment, then drove off so they could rifle through it unchallenged before dumping the car in a side street somewhere.
Yes, in an ideal world we should all be able to leave our laptops on the front seat with the doors unlocked and find it still there when we return. . . yada yada yada.
But while law enforcement’s lack of interest in “petty theft” is giving thieves free rein to steal what they like, then annoyingly we have to adapt accordingly and never leave valuables in our cars.
In addition, you could try the tactic of a friend who, frustrated by the number of times his car has been broken into by opportunists, now leaves it unlocked at night so his windows don’t get smashed.
And every couple of weeks, he leaves a sealed parcel on the front seat for them to steal.
Full of dog s**t.
MATCH SAFETY IS KEY
TRANSGENDER footballer Francesca Needham is considering legal action for discrimination after opposing teams refused to play against her.
Francesca, who plays for Rossington Main Ladies, near Doncaster, says she believes the boycott “represents a breach of a code of conduct regarding diversity and inclusion . . . ”
But those who are refusing to play against her say it’s her physical strength that’s the issue.
An opposing team’s manager explains: “She’s quite a big, strong player. People refused to play because they are worried about safety.
“My players were back-ing out of challenges, as psychologically it’s quite a big thing when you are playing against a biological man, it’s quite scary. They were terrified.”
One player says she suffered a serious knee injury after blocking a shot from Francesca who, she accepted, had no “intent to injure”.
They add that it’s to do with welfare rather than being a “transgender issue”.
In other words, they would happily invite Francesca along on a girls-only cocktails night.
But when it comes to a competitive contact sport, why should they risk physical injury just so her feelings don’t get hurt?
MAKE A GRAND EXIT . . .
PHIL COLLINS’S ex-wife Orianne Cevey is auctioning off £3.2million of personal possessions because she is “downsizing”.
The sale includes Phil’s baby grand piano, which is expected to go for £100k.
Considering she received around £42million in their divorce, let’s hope she first offered it back to him for free – or at the very least, to one of his kids.
Oz so jolly for Holly but gross for Josie
THIS Morning presenter Josie Gibson says former colleague Holly Willoughby persuaded her to go in the I’m A Celebrity jungle in Australia because, “it’s so beautiful there”.
Josie adds: “She said that when she got there she got a bit emotional as it was just stunning.”
Except that Holly was largely viewing the country’s splendour from the confines of a luxury, £1,800-a-night beachfront condo in the swanky Palazzo Versace hotel when she stood in as co-host for Ant McPartlin in 2018.
And not face down in a bucket of entrails rotting in 40C desert heat.
A NEW study suggests that, in the spirit of the old adage “happy wife, happy life”, men let their other halves win when it comes to competing against each other in games.
“Their male partners may be . . . avoiding potential relationship conflict by allowing their spouse to win,” says one of the researchers.
Or maybe, the women have actually thrashed their other half at Scrabble/Monopoly/whatever but he’s one of those dreary alpha males who claims: “You only won because I let you.”
STINGS NEVER CHANGE
ESTHER RANTZEN has warned about scammers who read obituaries in newspapers then contact grieving loved ones to claim the deceased had taken out an insurance policy due a big payout once one final instalment is handed over.
Despicable.
But also very familiar to anyone who has seen the excellent film Paper Moon, which came out in 1973.
The plot centres around conman Moses Pray (played by Ryan O’Neal) who reads obituaries then turns up on the widow’s doorstep to claim that the deceased husband had commissioned an inscribed Bible but hadn’t yet paid for it.
In other words, the more stings change, the more they stay the same.
RESEARCH just published says that ginger could spice up your sex life.
Might be a bit painful though.
Might be a bit painful though.
WHO’D WANT H&M?
THE Sussexes have let it be known through “sources” that, were the King to extend an official invitation for them to spend Christmas at Sandringham, they might readily accept.
They don’t get it, do they?
Considering every cough and spit of their family interactions seem to leak to the media, who would want them at the Christmas table, with its heady mix of unresolved squabbles, excess alcohol and elderly “off message” relatives?
One can only imagine how it might go down with William and Kate, who reportedly remain furious following his younger brother’s tell-all memoir.
Watch this space.
But in the meantime, here’s a festive card they might like.
