A FIRST Dates TV star has told of the never-ending “torture” after her "psycho" ex-boyfriend 'killed' her tot daughter in an alleged murder-suicide plot.
Rachael Leader's ex partner Ashley Henry “deliberately” smashed head-on into an oncoming lorry soon after she left him, with his toddler in the car, an inquest heard.
Two-year-old Oria died in the horror car crash eight months ago - leaving her mum suffering “unimaginable pain” she describes as a “slow torture.”
A heartbroken Rachael said she would never understand how Henry had “felt that was the only way and he wanted to hurt me that much.”
Police are investigating the double deaths as a murder-suicide.
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'JOURNEY OF GRIEF'
Sharing her “journey of grief” on social media, the grieving mum told how she recently travelled to Iceland and took with her some ashes of her cherished daughter.
The 32-year-old, from Leicestershire, told her friends and supporters on Facebook: "Most days I think how his mind was working, how could one get to that point? I absolutely cannot see it from his point of view.
"I understand the hurt and pain of a breakup. I get that and I have been there so many times.
I don't understand how one could take their own child's life out of spite. And have planned it, weeks before. It's psychotic.”
Rachael Leader
"But at no point have I ever thought of doing something like that. I cannot put myself in his shoes. I have tried.”
She added that she feels "sorrow" for her ex-partner that "he wanted to hurt me that much".
Rachael added: "That does not make me feel very good either. There was absolutely nothing I could have done for him. I couldn’t have done any more to have helped him without risking my own peace and sanity.”
The devastated mum described the tragedy as "one of the most traumatic things" someone could go through.
"That is a heavy weight to carry," she added.
In a new heartfelt clip she told how she wanted to share the “journey of grief” and “the emotions that grief can generate.”
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She confessed: "To be honest I’m feeling f*****g s**t! I'm feeling really, really s**t. I’m feeling like this has really hit me.
"It has now been just over six months since I lost Oria. To start with that was a shock - a complete and utter shock.
“Since time has passed, I find myself here over the past couple of weeks with constant tears. I am not sleeping well and I have really low energy.
"I don’t want to do anything and I have to drag myself out of the house. Everything is feeling like a real effort, like a marathon.”
The First Dates star spoke of the pain missing out on "milestones" in Oria's life and the experiences ripped away from her.
"I feel like I am operating at 20 per cent, and that is being generous. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be operating at 80-90 per cent. I have a lot of work to do. I know I need to do it," she continued.
Rachael compared her grief to an onion with lots of layers above "raw emotion, the unimaginable pain" of losing her daughter.
"I need to go to there but I can’t rip all the layers off because of the magnitude. I am having to peel the layers back slowly and face it," she explained she told her counsellor.
"It is like a slow torture, a slow tortuous journey to the core, the epicure of the emotion and that emotion is pain and just disbelief. I have really tried."
'MURDER-SUICIDE'
Her “beautiful” beloved daughter - her only child - was allegedly murdered by the boyfriend she had previously split from, both dying in a smash on their way home from a weekend away.
She had been invited on the fateful trip but had turned it down because she had other commitments, and was still trying to come to terms with their bitter break up.
I don't understand how one could take their own child's life out of spite. And have planned it, weeks before. It's psychotic.”
Rachael Leader
Oria, who celebrated her second birthday just two months before her death on June 18 last year, died when her dad crashed into a lorry.
He was driving back to Broughton Astley in Leicestershire to drop Oria, whom he had weekend custody of, back with her mum.
The crash in Anwick, Lincolnshire, was initially treated as an accidental collision.
But two days later after "careful consideration” police launched a murder investigation into the youngster’s death and said they were not looking for anybody else.
An inquest, opened last July at Lincoln Coroner’s Court, heard both father and daughter were pronounced dead at the scene.
The precise medical cause of Oria’s death remains to be determined.
Mr Henry, 35, a manager for a firm selling medicinal mushrooms, sustained "a number of traumatic injuries" but the exact cause of his death is yet to be confirmed.
Det Insp Andy McWatt told the hearing: “Dash cam footage from that lorry has been obtained and the act seems to be deliberate by the car driver."
The reports included information about a car going head-on straight into a lorry."
Both inquests have been adjourned until a date to be fixed pending the conclusion of a criminal investigation.
After Oria’s death Rachael described her anger, and in a scathing attack on her ex, she said: “I don't understand how one could take their own child's life out of spite. And have planned it, weeks before. It's psychotic.”
She posted: "My poor baby. You were taken from me by an evil force. A sick man, a man that I trusted with your life only for it be taken away by him in such a horrific way.
"Oria, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. You gave me so much light sweetheart, so much love and so much happiness. I will cherish each and every moment we had together.
“You had the most beautiful smile and gorgeous curly hair. You touched the hearts of many Oria and I'm so incredibly proud to be your mummy."
BRAVE MUM
The distraught mum bid her daughter a final farewell at her funeral in July last year at Countesthorpe Crematorium.
During a recent trip to Reykjavik with her mother Judy Leader - whom she is now living with and being comforted and supported by - Miss Leader told how she had brought some of Oria’s ashes too.
She wrote: “We didn’t celebrate Christmas this year, however despite the circumstances, we’ve had the most magical time. Oria has been with us throughout.
"I bought some of her ashes with me and there was a butterfly in our rooms. I asked her to come with me before we left and she did.”
The brave mum - sharing some happy holiday snaps too - added: “Life doesn’t stop when a loved one passes, although sometimes I wish it did to be quite honest.
But I know my little angel is with me all the time and I made a promise to her to live my life to absolute fullest and I’m doing exactly that.
"Iceland is absolutely beautiful and we’ve all welcomed the stunning scenery. It’s been a much deserved break.”
She also said in her clip that despite feeling “pretty damn awful” at times, she will “keep trying my best every day.”
She said: "I need to lean on some people, have support now - it is feeling too heavy to carry by myself.
"So many things I want to achieve from this and I have got a vision to help the community and humanity as a whole. I need help in making that vision come to life. I hope people will be willing to help me achieve it."
POLICE STATEMENT
After the double deaths, a Lincolnshire Police spokesperson said: "We have launched a murder investigation after a fatal collision between a lorry and a car in Anwick and are appealing for witnesses to come forward."
Driver Ashley Henry, 35, and passenger Oria Henry, two, from Leicester were travelling along Main Road in a blue Nissan Quashqai when the incident took place at around 2.45pm on Sunday 18 June.
"Both were pronounced dead at the scene. Our investigation into the incident continues but after careful consideration we can confirm we have begun a murder investigation into the death of Oria.
"We are not looking for anyone else in connection with this incident.
"Our thoughts remain with the family of those who lost their lives in this collision and specialist officers are supporting them at this difficult time."
