DEAR DEIDRE: HOW can my brother be so thoughtless? He has organised his wedding and it will be taking place on the fifth anniversary of our dad’s death.
Mum walked out on us when we were little, so Dad brought us up alone.
I’m a woman of 33 and I lived with him until he died. He was 61 and had cancer.
My brother is 30 and we were all so excited when he got engaged. It was something positive to celebrate.
But I was completely blindsided to learn he has set the date for Dad’s anniversary.
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I don’t know whether he’s realised but everything has been booked and I don’t imagine he can change it now. How do I tell him?
DEIDRE SAYS: Find a moment to remind your brother this will be extra special because it marks your dad’s anniversary.
He may have consciously organised this to remember your father and celebrate his life as well as the wedding.
You may want to suggest to your brother about having a moment within the celebrations to remember him – perhaps have a framed photo of all three of you together on display.
Write down a programme for yourself. Early on in the day, have time to pause and focus on your father.
Then when it comes to the celebrations, freshen up and be with your brother.
He will love your dad just as much, but has a different way of processing his death.