DEAR DEIDRE: I have a shopping addiction and I hate myself for lying to my husband about it.
My mother knows and she’s making it worse by telling me to keep it secret.
How can I get over this and be honest with him before it ruins our relationship?
I’m 36 and he’s 40. We’ve been married for nine years.
Spending money gives me a short-term buzz, but afterwards I feel sick with guilt. I’m now in lots of debt and my husband has no idea.
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I find it hard to go into a shop without treating myself to something – clothes, jewellery, nicknacks.
I’ll convince myself that if I can just buy whatever it is I’ve seen that day, it’ll make me happy, and I’ll never do it again.
But, of course, that’s never the case.
I’ve maxed out all my credit cards, then taken out loans to pay them off. However, instead of cutting up the cards, I’m racking up more debt.
Making the minimum repayments is a struggle, making me more stressed.
That just leads me to try to cheer myself up by going shopping again. I confessed to my mother, who also has a shopping habit, and she said my husband wouldn’t understand.
She has taken me out and bought me things to cheer me up. I know she means well, but it isn’t helping.
DEIDRE SAYS: Compulsive shopping is often a way to escape negative feelings. It gives you a an adrenaline rush, akin to taking a drug.
If you want to stop, you need to get to the root of why you do it.
Perhaps you’re feeling unsatisfied, bored or lonely.
Please talk to your GP and ask about cognitive behavioural therapy, which can be very effective.
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Also read my support packs about counselling and solving debt problems.
You need to talk to your husband. Tell him you are getting help and could do with his support.
As for your mum, perhaps she shares your addiction and doesn’t want to admit it, so is facilitating yours.
Make it clear to her that you’ve decided to tell your husband and try to overcome this. Offer her help too, if she wants it.