Premier League star Michail Antonio has bravely opened up on his mental health, confessing he once wanted to get injured as a means to get out of playing football.
The West Ham forward was struggling with his mental health at a point in his career when there was so much happening both on and off the field. Antonio, 34, was trying to make a success of his career at the London Stadium while going through a divorce, and it wasn't until he started speaking to a therapist that things got back on track.
Jamaica international Antonio recalled a point in December 2022 when he said he "just started disliking the game." And it meant he didn't fully appreciate West Ham's historic triumph in last season's Europa Conference League until six months or so after the final.
"I think we even won the game [in Dec. 2022], but I didn't have the best of games. And I was just like to myself, 'I'm not enjoying football,'" admitted the Hammers star on the latest episode of the High Performance podcast. "During the game, I was like, 'I'm really not enjoying this'. I just felt quite negative. I'm a very positive person myself.
"I didn't score from December until I think it was March, April time. And I just felt, like, run-down. And then I went away with Jamaica because I was enjoying football with Jamaica for some strange reason. But I actually prayed for an injury.
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"I was like, 'I just want to get injured, I want some time off.' And then I went away with Jamaica and I did my medial [knee ligament in November 2023]. I was thinking to myself, 'I'm 33. I can't afford to be performing this way, otherwise I'm not going to get another contract.'"
Michail Antonio of West Ham reacts during the aggregate loss to Leverkusen (Offside via Getty Images)Antonio's West Ham deal expires this summer, though he has the option of an additional 12 months if he and the club agree to trigger the clause. The former Nottingham Forest and Sheffield Wednesday star has scored just seven times in 31 appearances this season, three of which have come in his last five games.
It wasn't until he started therapy that Antonio was able to tackle his issues properly, adding: "How I grew up, it was never a thing. I thought therapy was for crazy people. But therapy changed my life. At first, it was awkward, I’m not going to lie. You’re sat in the room, someone was there and goes, 'How are you?' And your natural response is, 'Fine.'"
He went on to say football gave him an escape from dealing with issues like the death of his father, but the divorce from his partner was the tipping point. Antonio - who joined the Hammers in 2015 - opened up in counselling and felt relief after opening up about his troubles.
"My life was a bit turned upside-down because obviously, I'm splitting up with my missus, my wife, and also, I'm not performing on the pitch and things are just not going well for me," he continued. "And then I'm a person where I’d never cry. And as I was talking to him, I just burst into tears. It was uncontrollable. That gave me some type of relief. And then like my chest felt like clear."
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