This classic mistake will sabotage your relationship, an expert warns.
Divorce figures in England and Wales aren't exactly inspiring. In 2022, a staggering 80,057 marriages ended this way, with each union only lasting for an average of 12.9 years.
But Nadia Bokody, a sex coach and columnist, claimed there's one thing you can do if you don't fancy adding to this statistic - and it's pretty simple. Taking to Instagram on @nadiabokody, she urged people to address a typical 'elephant in the room' as soon as it becomes an issue.
"If you want to ensure your marriage fails or that your relationship doesn't last the test of time, simply ignore sexlessness," she said. "Don't talk about it, sweep it under the rug and hope it just fixes itself.
"A lack of physical intimacy is one of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce. When we lose that, we start to lose the bond we have with our partner. It causes disconnection, loneliness and ultimately that breeds resentment."
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In 2018, researchers at Relate found 29% of Gransnet and Mumsnet users were in 'sexless relationships'. They defined this as having had no sex at all or fewer than 10 romps in the last year.
A whopping 47% of over-60s were included in this, while 18% of those under 30 were experiencing it too. And although it's not inherently 'bad' to miss out on sex, research shows it can have various physical and mental benefits.
Relate's Head of Service Quality and Clinical Practice, Ammanda Major said: "When it comes to sex, what matters isn’t how often you do it, but how you feel about it. You could be having sex a handful of times a year and be perfectly happy with this – it's up to you and your partner to define what a healthy sex life looks like for you.
"The reason these statistics are worrying is they suggest a lot of women are unhappy with the amount of sex they’re having, with many saying it’s causing arguments. When you have young children, finding time for sex can be tricky but there are plenty of ways to be intimate without having full intercourse so don’t put too much pressure on yourself."
Nadia also added: "Sex comes easily and freely in the beginning of a relationship and then when it dies off, we assume that one partner has lost their libido. When in reality, you're simply not doing the things that are required to maintain sexual desire in a long-term relationship."
To tackle this, there are a few things you can do - even if you've gone months or years without sex. Sarah Mulindwa a sexual health expert at Lovehoney, told The Mirror that communication is key - especially if you're looking to enhance arousal and orgasm success rates.
She said: "Ultimately, a lot of this comes down to communication (if you are looking to orgasm with a partner), but also being in tune with your own body and finding out what makes you tick; take some time to find this out, and relay this to a partner, or remember for yourself!
"A healthy lifestyle is another key aspect that we often overlook. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are crucial for overall sexual health. Physical fitness improves circulation and energy levels, which can also improve your sex life."
Regardless, Nadia assured that 'hot, passionate' sex isn't just a fantasy. And, if you want it, you can work towards it.
She said: "You can have hot, regular, passionate sex - it isn't a fantasy. It's very real, it's very doable. You just need to understand how arousal works in the context of a long-term relationship."
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