FINALLY, Rishi Sunak has cracked it!
Succeeding where a flurry of Prime Ministers before him have failed, he’s only gone and found a way to send disengaged, disillusioned young people veritably FLOCKING to the polling stations come July 4.
Alas, after pulling this unlikely rabbit out the hat — the reintroduction of National Service — he’s sent the nation’s 18-year-olds running to put an X by Sir Keir’s name.
The plan is of, course, littered with inconsistencies and caveats.
The Tories say they will compel people by law to complete a commu- nity programme over a 12-month period, or enrol in a year-long military training scheme, when they turn 18.
Are there illegal baby names? Surprising monikers that are BANNED in other countries, from Sarah to Thomas
In the same breath they insist no stroppy teen will be going to jail should they refuse.
They just haven’t said exactly what bottom-smacking laws will be imposed for those too busy scrolling TikTik to learn how to load an infantry rifle.
Although, as one Australian wag quipped: “Billionaire Pom who looks like he’d blister moving the couch to inspire youth with Military Service.”
Another online meme quickly went viral.
It read: “If you can fix your parents’ iPad then you can fix an Apache helicopter’s. If you can rot in bed, then you can rot in a trench.”
And, that, in a nutshell, is the ironic take of Yoof. BUT.
Rishi may have lost a few thousand under-21 votes — yet, then again, they might not vote anyway.
Let’s face it, he could have introduced nationalised castrations for teens and they still wouldn’t bother to put their phones down and vote against it.
So what our PM may just have done is pull an electoral blinder, because the parents and grandparents of this national service generation do care.
They don’t want tomorrow’s leaders, CEOs, doctors and shop assistants hiding behind screens.
I'm scared I've ruined my daughter's life because of her name
They want them up and at ’em.
Rishi’s right that the scheme would promote a “shared sense of purpose among our young people and a renewed sense of pride in our country”.
Labour dismissed the idea as a “gimmick” — which means they’re worried.
And The Guardian immediately wheeled out a disgruntled former military man, Admiral Alan West — a former chief of the naval staff — to slam it as “bonkers”.
The Left, then, is rattled.
Because this policy speaks right to the heart of Reform voters. It speaks to the Boomers.
And, by encouraging Eton toffs to mingle with Tower Hamlets kids, it cleverly crosses the fractious class divide.
Entitled teens
With the threat of imminent war in Europe, never have we needed a bolstered defence more.
Critics have accused The Conservatives of bringing back a nanny state.
But conscription in Sweden, arguably the world’s most liberal country, works a charm.
The Swedes are rightly proud of their country and wave their little yellow and blue flags at any given opportunity.
The idea of community volunteering — spending one weekend every month helping organisations such as the NHS and fire service — is a brilliant one.
If Rishi can persuade a generation of entitled teens to stop self-serving, and serve us, he may just have given himself the unlikeliest of shots in July.
ANOTHER day, another bizarre Britney Spears Instagram post.
This time the troubled star randomly showed off some empty jewellery boxes, claiming all her pricey baubles had been nicked.
She added: “I’m scared, all my jewellery is gone.”
An hour later she popped up on the ’gram again, this time breezily declaring plans to get her tongue pierced.
It would be funny if it wasn’t so worrying.
Someone get the woman some professional help, soon.
M&S model Rosie flaunting her wealth is rear-ly bad idea
NOTHING says “girl next door” and “woman of the people” like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s latest post from Cannes.
In it, the supermodel, usually seen wearing some fetching, relatively affordable M&S bra and pants . . . has nothing on apart from £380,000-worth of jewellery.
So sad it’s all Gove-r
SAY what you like about Michael Gove – and people have a lot to say about him – at least he got people talking.
A Machiavellian figure, he appears to have been at the heart of several Westminster plot twists over the years.
In a world of increasingly insipid, nameless politicians – most of us would be hard-pressed to name even half the current serving Cabinet – at least he brought some much-needed intrigue, and discussion, to Whitehall.
His decision, therefore, to step down marks a sad day for politics.
Change die law
LAST week, Tracy Hickman, a British woman with terminal breast cancer, was euthanised “on a beach with sunshine” in New Zealand.
She died peacefully, surrounded by her family and friends.
What a way to go – and how it should be for anyone who finds themselves in a similar, heartbreaking situation.
But New Zealand has very different euthanasia rules to us.
There, anyone with a terminal illness and less than six months can live can die how they choose.
It’s time we overhauled our own outdated end-of-life policy.
VETS say cat owners should stop saying “here puss” because it’s like “swearing at them”.
Instead, these pet doctors – who spend six years at pet doctor school – say we should be using feline language with them, and, erm, meowing instead.
I swear to God, if I saw a man meowing at his tabby in the street, I’d report him myself.
Eam's in need of pals
EAMONN HOLMES and Ruth Langsford’s split came as big news to the world of daytime telly fans.
Not so much to journalists, who have been aware of a drift for months. (And eagle-eyed fans who noticed their lack of cosy pictures on Instagram).
Towards the end of last year I got the hospital pass of calling Eamonn and asking if it was true he and Ruth were separating.
The call did not go well.
“No we’re f***ing not,” he raged. “Whoever is spreading that rumour is a c***,” he added, gently.
Anyway, the call ended more amicably, but as I was frantically trying to get off the phone and put the past three awful minutes behind me, he ended things cryptically: “Look, Clemmie, if I have anything to tell you, you’ll be the first to know.”
I wasn’t, it turns out.
But it’s clear poor Eamonn has moved heaven and earth to save his 14-year marriage.
The poor bloke has also been plagued with health woes.
As a sufferer of chronic pain, every day, physically, is mountainous.
This must feel like another monumental blow.
Happily, it looks like the pair have salvaged a friendship, though – and right now, likeable Eamonn will need all his friends around him.
Good luck to them both.
Nicki is one to blame
NOTHING sums up our ridiculous cancel culture better than the recent case of Nicki Minaj.
The American superstar was arrested in Amsterdam accused of carrying drugs, and was so held up that she missed her own concert at the Co-Op Live arena in Manchester.
Instead of blaming Nicki Minaj – who, obviously, live-streamed her own arrest for a few more “likes” – for being, well, innately stupid and selfish, fans turned on the arena for not letting them know the gig was cancelled sooner.
