THE sound of silence is one of life’s most precious commodities in an increasingly noisy world.
Think about it: When was the last time you genuinely heard nothing except, perhaps, the occasional burst of soothing birdsong.
There’s always a siren in the distance, or someone’s dog barking, or kids’ high-pitched shrieking from a trampoline or a neighbour brandishing a power tool . . . all kicking off just as you settle in the garden for a Sunday snooze.
And now there’s the scourge of the increasingly popular outdoor hot tub to contend with too.
Which, more often than not, means the sound of Prosecco-fuelled braying stretching long into the early hours. No thanks.
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On Monday, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak apologised publicly to 73-year-old Jeff Jones, from Great Baddow, Essex, who had contacted him to complain about a “holiday let” blighting village life.
Mr Jones said: “It’s a massive problem across the country.
“The people renting it turn up, they bring as much booze as they want and then they party for two or three days . . . there’s always swearing, amplified music, and it’s even worse in the summer . . . ”
Promising to crackdown on Airbnb-style party houses via a council registration scheme, Mr Sunak said it was “common courtesy and decency” that “people should not be having incredibly noisy parties at 3am”.
Indeed it is. But courtesy and decency towards others are rapidly vanishing in many communities blighted by the tyranny of yob culture and feeling horribly abandoned by the police.
So the Prime Minister’s major offensive against anti-social behaviour in general — of which clamping down on party houses is just one small part — is very welcome indeed.
He’s telling the long-suffering, law-abiding silent majority, “We hear you”.
Presumably, because he knows that happy, engaged communities are the lifeblood of a successful country and you disenfranchise them at your peril.
As it stands, take one look at your local message board on neighbourhood app Nextdoor and you’ll find thousands of decent people despairing about muggings, assaults and petty thefts of their cars, bikes and parcels.
Many are posting CCTV footage of perpetrators themselves because they have given up on the police even trying to catch them.
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If he wants our vote at the next election, the Prime Minister knows he needs to listen, learn and, most importantly, act to restore our faith in the rule of law.
Justice will be seen to be done
So his action plan includes on-the-spot fines for graffiti, vandalism and fly-tipping, and proposals for “immediate justice” where perpetrators will be made to clean up their mess or damage within 48 hours of being ordered to do so.
They will wear high-vis vests while carrying out the work and those affected by their behaviour will have a say in how they are disciplined so, importantly, justice is seen to be done.
Mr Sunak also referred to drugs being “a scourge on our communities” and vowed to ban nitrous oxide, otherwise known as laughing gas and referred to as hippy crack.
There will also be more drug-testing of criminals, extra police patrols for problem areas, landlords will be given the right to evict tenants who cause nuisance to neighbours and, hallelujah, more cash for vital youth centres.
Plenty of PMs before him have vowed to crack down on anti-social behaviour but with little effect.
Let’s hope that this time, it really is cause for (quiet and respectful) celebration.
REBOOT A FATAL ERROR
HIT Eighties movie Fatal Attraction is being reworked as an eight-part TV series that will give the “bunny boiler’s” point of view.
It will explore “the timeless themes of marriage and infidelity through the lens of modern attitudes towards strong women, personality disorders and coercive control”, says the bumf from streaming service Paramount+.
In other words, it will give a #MeToo twist to proceedings by portraying the Michael Douglas character as someone “much more complicit in his own downfall”, whose cold disregard for his damaged and vulnerable lover drives her to madness.
Lizzy Caplan, who will play the Glenn Close role, says: “You could never make the 1980s version of this now.”
Er, why not? After all, not all men are bastards, and not all women are saints. And vice versa.
So why not just create a stand alone, new TV show rather than rewrite an old classic?
TAXING WAXING
THIS is King Charles’s new waxwork, unveiled in Paris last week.
I thought it was Jonathan Dimbleby.
Still, it has some way to go to beat this one of his now late mother, pictured above, at Louis Tussauds in Niagara Falls.
Presumably modelled shortly after she’d dived off the top.
Harry really knows how to pick Em
HARRY STYLES and Emily Ratajkowski have gone public with their, ahem, romance.
Well, they haven’t actually issued a joint statement, but any self-respecting celebrity knows that a sizzling PDA in a car park will get spotted by ever-present paps, so they may as well have written it in neon above the entrance.
They’re both single, so good luck to them.
However, poor Emily is now being trolled by some of Harry’s ardent young fans.
“Stay away from Harry,” warned one.
Another said, (sic): “What Harry saw in you? My God there’s nothing special.”
May I recommend a trip to Specsavers?
KING’S HITTING HOME
THE Queen’s dresser, Angela Kelly, has reportedly been told to leave her grace-and-favour home on the Windsor Estate “within weeks”.
It was thought she would be given the home for life after decades of loyalty, but a source says: “The King is clearly not in the habit of providing homes for those no longer working for the monarchy.”
Sounds about right.
Remember Billy Tallon? He was the Queen Mother’s devoted servant and, after 51 years of royal service, says she promised him he could stay “for life” in the gatehouse cottage at Clarence House.
But shortly after her death, he received a “ruthless” eviction letter from Palace staff.
Even family aren’t immune to getting their marching orders either.
After moving in with his mother Princess Margaret to care for her in her final years, her son David Linley and his family were ordered out of her Kensington Palace apartment after her death and, of course, our new monarch has even served notice on his younger son to move out of Frogmore Cottage.
So it’s not personal, Angela. It’s purely business.
