LOVE Island's Malin Andersson has revealed she spent £12,000 on a secret three-week stint in rehab for booze and drug addiction.
The Love Island series two star spiralled down a dangerous path following the breakdown of her relationship with her baby daughter Xaya's dad.
It followed a series of devastating tragedies, including the deaths of her mum and first born baby Consy within two years of each other.
Malin has also suffered at the hands of domestic violence, struggled with eating disorders, lost friends to suicide and robbed of both her parents from cancer.
She admits using binge-drinking and recreational cocaine use to numb the pain and cover up her loneliness.
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She didn't booze daily, but at her worst she would go on 36-hour benders while her daughter was staying at her dad's house.
It took her ex Jared to point out she needed rehab to face her problems for Malin to finally get help.
In an emotional interview with The Sun, Malin said: "Alcohol and drugs felt like such a taboo for me. I felt ashamed and guilty about it.
"I thought for someone like me, going to rehab sounded nuts.
"My ego kicked in and I thought, 'do I really have to go?' I don't drink every day. I don't wake up and want to drink. Sometimes I can go two months without it.
"But I was using alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism.
"I couldn't even give you a number, but I would drink a lot. It could be three bottles of wine, or champagne, or whatever, then shots.
"I'd get into a competition with my friends and could be partying for a day and half.
"Drugs weren't involved all the time, but they were if I was with the wrong crowd.
"Then I'd go back to normal and that would last for a few weeks - then the cycle would be repeated again.
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"It's such normalised behaviour these days, especially with women my age - but no one talks about it.
"Now i think 'f*** it. So many people do it are in a bad place from it. So many suicides have happened from cocaine use and alcohol, especially from Love Island. There are so many people in the industry who are depressed because of it.
I felt ashamed and guilty
Malin Andersson
"Alcohol was such a crutch for me. I was in denial, I thought that it was okay. And now look back and it wasn't.
"This is why I want to talk about it.
"I feel so much freer now, being open and honest with it because I want to help someone else that's going through the same thing."
Malin checked into a deep internal therapy retreat for three weeks.
She was only allowed to see her daughter for a few hours every Sunday.
"When I say it was hard work it was," says Malin.
"But it changed my life massively.
"It was a hardest thing I've ever done, especially being away from Xaya for three weeks.
"I knew it was the right thing to do - not even for her - but for myself.
"The amount of things that we hold as people is insane and when you've gone through a lot of trauma like me, it can come out and stem in different directions, like addiction.
"There's so many different things that we divert our attention to, instead of addressing what's going on in our minds and in our hearts.
"Learning to be still myself was hard, but I unlocked so much stuff.
"Overcoming loneliness is the hardest part because that's when alcohol says 'hello, I'm your friend', but it's not your friend. It's the enemy."
"Many people can't afford rehab so I'm very blessed and lucky that I was able to."
Malin says if she hadn't been brave enough to go to rehab, she'd be continuing the same cycle of booze and drugs.
Now she's spending her free time meditating, seeing her health improve and energy levels soar.
"If I hadn't gone to rehab I wouldn't have evolved as a person, and I wouldn't be the mum or the person I am today."
Overcoming loneliness is the hardest part because that's when alcohol says 'hello, I'm your friend'
Malin Andersson
Malin managed to let go of trying to get her family back together following her split from Jared.
"It sounds really strange, but I always wanted to get Jared back and I think that was one of my goals when he left.
"I was so in love with him and I wanted that perfect family unit.
"I lost myself in the process of that, and he almost became an addiction, in a sense of whenever he turned up to pick there and make sure it'd be looking nice.. but he was the wrong person for me.
"We were friends before and he was always meant to just be a friend."
Rehab has done wonders for Malin's co-parenting relationship with Jared.
"My mood is a lot more stable because I'm not heavy in grief", she says.
"I was giving him hell, sending him abusive messages and stuff when I was drunk. Now it's much more smooth sailing."
Malin is now working on being at peace in her own company as she starts a fresh chapter in her life.
Many people can't afford rehab so I'm very blessed and lucky that I was able to.
Malin Andersson
She added: "I want to be sober forever, but I live day by day.
"Sobriety changed my life, but it wasn't just that. It was finding myself again through that.
"I had to ask myself, What's the truth? What's my truth? My truth is me.
"Now, I'm now in a place where I can meet someone and that definitely would not have been the case before.
"You know we attract what we are inside. I feel so peaceful and content with who I am now, so I'd be so ready to share that with someone else."
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