DEAR DEIDRE: TRANSGENDER porn really turns me on, even though I’m a straight guy in a loving relationship with a woman.
I worry my interest isn’t normal, or if it means I might be gay.
I’m 37 and have been married for six years.
My wife is 33. We have a good, regular sex life, which is very satisfying and enjoyable.
While we’re not particularly adventurous in the bedroom, but we do use sex toys and enjoy role play games.
I have absolutely no desire to cheat on my wife or to sleep with anyone else, of any sex or gender.
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However, even though I’m aroused by women and have only ever slept with women, I find “ordinary” porn, with men and women having sex, does very little for me.
It used to turn me on when I was younger, but now it’s boring.
A few years ago, I accidentally clicked on a video on a porn site without realising it was trans porn.
It featured a man with a pre-op transgender woman and it aroused me intensely in a way I’d never experienced before.
Since then I haven’t been able to get enough. I watch it when alone, and it continues to turn me on like nothing else.
When I’m with my wife, I fantasise about it too. She has no idea and I could never tell her. She would be absolutely horrified.
I’m very secure in my masculinity and have no desire to be a woman, or even to cross-dress.
The trans women look so feminine. Does this explain the extra arousal I feel? Is this something I should be worried about, or is it normal?
DEIDRE SAYS: The more pornography you watch, the more likely you are to become bored or desensitised by it and to start seeking out more extreme versions.
For you, this has come in the form of transgender porn. It’s exciting precisely because it’s so far outside your normal experience and desire.
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It certainly doesn’t mean you are gay or want to have sex with pre-op transsexuals.
If you feel in control of your urge to view it, and it isn’t spoiling your relationship with your wife, or your sex life, you needn’t worry about.
But if you are concerned it is affecting other parts of your life, then it would be good to talk to someone about this.
A sex therapist could help you. See my pack on Sex Therapy. My support pack, Internet Pornography Worry, explains more.