DEAR DEIDRE: Just before my father died last year, he hinted that I’m not his biological son.
I can’t stop thinking about it and want to know how I can find out if it’s true.
I’m 60 and my dad was 88. My mother died two years before him. We had a normal family life when I was a child and I have two younger sisters.
Like any father and son, there were times we didn’t get on, but I never had any inkling he wasn’t really my dad.
But in hospital, shortly before he died of cancer, he started talking about the past.
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One afternoon, he said my mother had been the love of his life and he couldn’t wait to be with her, though she’d hurt him.
Then he said he’d forgiven her and he loved me just as much as his daughters.
When I tried to press him for information, he got muddled. He wasn’t senile, but he was sometimes confused.
The next time I saw him I tried to find out more, but he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about.
Shortly after, he died. I’ve tried to put it out of my mind but the thought he wasn’t my real father plagues me and makes it harder to grieve. None of his generation is left to ask.
DEIDRE SAYS: The shocking news that your dad may not have been your father is compounding your grief. But without anybody alive to ask, finding out the truth may not be possible.
Talk to your sisters about this. Perhaps they know something.
They may agree to take a DNA test with you, which will show if you share the same parentage.
If you would like to do this, contact Cellmark (cellmark.co.uk, 0800 036 2522).
However, think carefully. If you find out he wasn’t your dad, it might make you feel worse.
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Counselling would be a very good idea, so you can talk this through and get help for your grief.
See my support packs on counselling and bereavement for details of how to access this.
Remember, being a father is about so much more than DNA.
The man you called Dad loved you, and brought you up. That won’t change.