DEAR DEIDRE: I WOULD love to take my wife away for a romantic break but my controlling ex won’t let me have a weekend off.
She was abusive during our 20-year marriage and now, even though we are divorced, uses the children to make my life difficult.
I’m 53, my ex-wife is 47 and we have four beautiful children.
While we were together, she questioned every move I made and even accused me of having affairs. I ended up feeling like half a man.
The final straw was when she told me she was pregnant and I realised she had stopped taking her birth control.
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I lost my marbles and told her I didn’t want any more children but she didn’t respect my wishes.
The silver lining is that I now have a beautiful five-year-old daughter.
When we got divorced, we agreed I wouldn’t pay child support but instead I would have our children every weekend and provide for all their expenses, such as school uniforms, club memberships, tutoring and even the food my wife cooks for them.
I’m now remarried and desperate for a break.
I’d like to take my gorgeous wife, 42, on holiday – just the two of us.
I’ve never missed a single weekend with the children. I love them but I also love my new wife and she’s getting understandably upset.
But my ex refuses to have the kids even for one weekend.
Whenever I ask, she turns nasty, accusing me of being an absent father and saying that I was abusive during our marriage.
I even cut short my honeymoon when I got remarried just to pacify her.
We’ve tried mediation but it didn’t work. She missed half the sessions, saying, “I can’t be bothered with this”.
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I still ended up paying in full. Talking to her gets me nowhere and I don’t have the stomach for a court battle. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: You are entitled to a break. It does sound like your ex is still trying to control you, and it is beginning to affect your marriage.
It is time to put a legal arrangement in place to protect yourself and the children.
My support pack, When Parents Fall Out, explains how this situation might be affecting them.
Contact Families Need Fathers, who can provide advice and emotional support (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363).
The government website has a page that could assist you – helpwithchildarrangements.service.justice.gov.uk/.
