DEAR DEIDRE: Although he flatly denies it, I’m certain my husband has been having a gay affair.
He went to a music festival with a man he met in a fan group, and I’m sure they slept together.
I’m 39 and my husband is 41. We have a six-year-old son.
A few months ago, my husband joined a fan group for a fishing show he watched on TV.
He got talking to another man, and came out as bisexual to him - and then to me.
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I’d had my suspicions about his sexuality, so I was very unhappy that he told this man about his sexuality first, especially when we’d vowed never to keep secrets from each other.
After he came out as bi, things changed. There were phone calls from dinner time through to midnight most nights.
The man would even phone my husband when he was in the bath.
Things became so bad that I had to remind my husband of his responsibility to our son, whom I felt he was ignoring.
Then this man bought a ticket for my husband so they could go to a music festival together. It meant my husband would be away for a long weekend.
I begged my husband not to go but he was adamant, saying it was only for a couple of days, not a month.
Afterwards, he admitted that on the last night they slept in the same bed, but claims nothing happened.
He says he didn’t fancy the man, but I don’t believe him.
He’s told me he made it clear to this man that he wants to save his marriage. However, I still think he’s hiding something.
I just want him to be honest.
I am broken but put on a brave face and fake smiles for the sake of my son.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t carry on like this. Say you sense that he is keeping something from you and want him to be honest, otherwise lack of trust is always going to be an issue.
Your husband is probably very unhappy and torn over his sexual feelings. He may love you dearly, but if he has strong gay feelings they are not going to be wished away.
Insist you get help together to see whether he can realistically promise to be faithful in future.
You need to know where you stand. Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 0207 380 1960), who can help you.
