'My neighbours' noisy sex just highlights the fact that we never make love'

11 January 2023 , 21:06

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A couple stay in bed while listening to their neighbours having sex (Stock photo) (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

My husband and I are in our thirties with two young children. My problem might sound a bit odd but, basically, our ­neighbours, who are at least 15 years older than us, have really noisy sex all the time.

This not only makes me feel annoyed and uncomfortable, it makes me feel a bit awkward and embarrassed, as it ­highlights the fact my husband and I barely have sex any more.

I’ve lost count of the times we’ve been in bed with our backs to each other, desperately trying to get some sleep,
while the neighbours go at it next door.

Firstly, should I say ­something to them?

I don’t know the woman very well and I don’t want to ­embarrass her, but she probably has no idea we can hear what they get up to in the bedroom.

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Secondly, how should I tackle the subject of sex with my husband? He’s not very good at opening up and sharing how he feels, but we’ve got into a ­relationship rut and I’m worried that if we don’t break out of it, we’ll never make love again.

I’d welcome your thoughts.

Coleen Nolan is the Mirror's resident agony aunt

Coleen says

Well, I don’t think they’re being deliberately noisy, but are just lost in the moment. I accept you’d rather not hear it, though!

Maybe rather than telling your neighbour you can hear them having sex, the next time you see her, drop into conversation that you can’t believe how thin the walls are and that you can hear ­everything from next door.

You could say: “I hope my kids aren’t too noisy”, so it’s not all about their racket. She may make a mental note for the future.

In terms of your relationship rut, I’m afraid the only way out of it is to talk to your husband and be clear about how you feel.

It’s not always easy to talk about sex, especially if you have a partner who’s not brilliant at opening up, but you’ve still got to do it. Find a time when it’s just the two of you, without any distractions, and then ask him how he feels about your love life because you think it needs some attention.

Intimacy and desire are nurtured outside the bedroom– it’s about how you treat each other day to day. It’s thinking about what your partner needs and wants.

It’s tough when you have a young family, but you have to make the time for you as a couple. If you don’t, you’ll get lost in the hamster wheel of school runs, childcare, cooking, cleaning and bedtimes. You can rekindle the romance, but you have to put in the effort.

Coleen Nolan