DEAR DEIDRE: MY FIANCÉE broke off our engagement because of constant friction around our parenting styles.
The straw that broke the camel’s back came when my son, who is 18, decided not to go to university. I’m 48 and my ex is 49.
We both have children from our previous relationships.
We got engaged in 2019. We were already living together at his place and were deeply in love.
I had sold my little flat, changed jobs, and moved my young teenage son for her – I thought she was worth it.
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She has a lovely four-bedroom modern house so there was plenty of space for her, her daughter and us.
But we soon saw that living together was going to be challenging.
She is a very strict parent whereas I give my son a lot more room to make his own decisions.
Unfortunately my son’s learning was badly affected by the lockdowns and he didn’t do as well as we hoped.
My son decided that he wanted to pursue a career in gaming.
I agreed because I know university isn’t for everyone. My fiancée was livid, and when her daughter moved out, my son soon became the target of her constant criticism.
We had plans to downsize and move to the country when the children left home.
She became really frustrated that we couldn’t put that plan into action sooner.
But I won’t give up on my son. I love this woman and had dreams of marrying her but she’s called the engagement off. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: She knew you and your son came as a package. It’s not fair that she punishes you for putting your son first.
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If your ex-fiancée is adamant your relationship is over, then I’m sorry but there isn’t a lot you can do.
But anyone who wasn’t willing to respect your parental responsibilities, isn’t going to make a considerate long-term partner.
If you want to try to rekindle your relationship it would be worth suggesting some couples counselling.
Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org.uk) provide reputable therapists.
Could you give your son a year or two to see if he has a future in gaming, with the agreement that at the end, he either finds his own place to stay, or applies for a college place?
