DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband must be the oldest Casanova in town. He’s 78 but despite a recent heart triple bypass, he is still cheating.
I’m 72 and, after his recovery, took him to a fundraising event at my church.
I soon noticed he was working the room and flirting with the lady working on the cake stand.
Despite the fact I have put up with his affairs and blatant infidelity for most of our married life, even I was shocked.
I really thought that after his operation things would change.
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Caring for him day and night made us a lot closer and even he admitted he’d taken me for granted.
Thankfully, his surgery was a success and he’s steadily got stronger.
He was so grateful to me and seemed to genuinely want to change his behaviour.
I was prepared to make a clean start of it after all the heartache he’s caused in the past.
He has had three affairs that I know of and regularly spoke to women on interactive porn sites.
Then one year ago I told him I was so fed up, I wanted to leave.
Soon after, though, he suffered a terrible heart attack and I didn’t feel leaving him was the right thing to do when he needed me the most.
But a few weeks after the fundraising event, I found a spare phone in his desk with this woman’s number.
They have been messaging each other and have clearly met.
I confronted him and he said it was all just harmless fun — that they haven’t even touched one another.
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I forgave my husband before, but I’m not sure I can forgive him again.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband may have an addiction to this harmful behaviour.
While he might insist he hasn’t cheated with this woman from your church, anything that takes the focus away from your relationship is infidelity.
This isn’t a one-off affair and unless he’s prepared to look at why he continually acts up, I’m afraid he will continue to betray you.
As painful as it is, you have to decide whether you can work through this together, or apart.
Consider couple counselling, whether you want to stay together or separate.
Tavistockrelationships.org can help you work through this difficult time.
My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? has more information.
