DEAR DEIDRE: Porn has taken over my life and I have a choice to make: My marriage or my obsession with watching others have extreme sex.
I started watching pornography as a teen and by the time I was in my 20s would watch it all day long.
That was fine when I was single but now I’m married to a brilliant woman and don’t want to lose her.
We are both 41 and have been together for 15 years.
I can’t wean myself off it and as soon as she goes out, I log on.
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Sometimes at work I go to the toilets to watch it.
I can’t get through a day without porn. When I wasn’t looking at it, I was thinking about it.
Recently my addiction has started causing problems with my sexual performance so I knew I had to do something about it.
I’ve started to have erection problems.
Having sex with my wife, who I love and fancy, just didn’t turn me on any more. Only extreme sexual acts aroused me. And I didn’t want to degrade my wife.
I know porn was the culprit because I had no problem getting off to it.
At first, I made excuses about being tired or stressed.
But then, last week, I decided to confess the truth to my wife. I know I need help if I’m going to save my marriage.
She said she still loved me and she wants to help. I’ve told her I have stopped — and I have, for a few days. But the itch to watch it isn’t going away. I can’t think about anything else.
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Now I fear I can’t conquer my demons alone.
DEIDRE SAYS: Pornography sites are designed to be addictive, and you’re right – extreme use is now known to lead to sexual issues.
But you have recognised that you have a problem, have been honest about it with your wife and are trying to stop. You’re to be applauded for all that.
My support pack, Internet Pornography Worry explains more. Also see the one on erection problems.
Professional help is available if you want to stop.
Check out the Pivotal Recovery Programme, by sex expert Paula Hall (pivotalrecovery.org). It’s a series of podcasts to guide you through recovery.
Or try thelaurelcentre.co.uk (01926 339 594), which offers tailored sex and porn addiction therapy.