DEAR DEIDRE: I AM petrified that my daughter is about to blow the lid on my awful secret – the man she calls Dad isn’t her biological father.
I’ve spent 21 years worrying that a one-night stand I had behind my husband’s back led to my first child.
I’ve never breathed a word of my concerns to anyone, but my daughter has become fascinated with our family heritage and wants to do an ancestry test.
I’m 55, my husband is 59 and we have two children together, a son of 24 and a daughter of 20.
I regretted everything immediately after I cheated.
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I took the morning-after pill the next day and decided to bury the secret.
A couple of days later my husband and I made love and shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant.
Looking for reassurance, I saw my doctor who explained there was only a small chance the morning-after pill wouldn’t have worked.
Still I have never let go of the worry that my one-night stand led to my pregnancy.
But now I’m a bag of nerves after my daughter asked for an ancestry kit for her 21st.
People always comment on how different my daughter looks compared to my son.
She is the only one in our family with green eyes and freckles.
I’m ashamed to say, I can’t remember much about the guy I had a one-night stand with, but he did have green eyes.
I love my family so much and cannot bear the thought of losing them.
I really hope my husband is the father because he and my daughter are so close and I can’t see them ever forgiving me for keeping this from them.
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I wish I had come clean about my indiscretion all those years ago.
The thought of confessing now makes me feel sick.
What if the ancestry kit reveals something that can’t be explained?
What if my husband becomes suspicious?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your doctor is right.
As you took the morning-after pill the day after your one-night stand, it is very unlikely this resulted in your pregnancy.
In the unlikely event the results throw up any further questions, it would be worth arranging a trusted DNA test – the only way to be certain of parentage.
If you want to find out more about the process, talk with Cellmark (cellmark.co.uk, 0800 036 253322) which provides confidential, conclusive, and court-approved DNA tests.
Either way you could benefit from talking to someone impartial to help you cope with this process and finally let go of the guilt you feel.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) can help you find a reputable counsellor.
