DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T get the images of my fiancée having sex with her ex out of my head.
I might be engaged to her but he is always hovering in the wings.
He constantly comes up with reasons to stay in touch, turns up at really inconvenient times and I’ve even caught her deleting intimate videos and photos of them — taken when they were together which he has re-sent.
He’s clearly trying to win her back but she is too nice to cut ties, and because they still share a cat he has a constant connection.
One night when we were enjoying a little foreplay there was a loud banging at the door. It was my fiancée’s ex yelling for her.
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He’d locked himself out of his flat. My fiancée has a key because she checks on their cat when he is away.
I’m 30 and my fiancée is 28. Her ex is 26. She’d recently split with her “controlling boyfriend” when we first met.
Over the following months, I made sure I was there for her to talk to and suggested she should also open up to her family.
We got together a year ago and she recently moved in with me.
She’s absolutely brilliant and we are so happy together — but her ex still hounds her.
He followed us after I picked her up from work one night. He now bangs on our door, saying the cat’s sick, or his car has broken down, or he cries saying he wants her back.
He’s invading our life and causing arguments.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your fiancée may be lovely but her ex needs to understand some clear boundaries.
And because he is controlling she is likely to need your support.
Her next step is to tell him firmly their relationship is over and he must move on. My support pack Ending A Relationship will help.
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She should then block his number and although it is heart-wrenching, accept that the cat is now his.
The cat is the connection and she has to decide what is more important – your relationship or a cat she sees now and then.
If things don’t improve, she can find help through the National Stalking Helpline (stalkinghelpline.org, 0808 802 0300) which is for anyone made to feel harassed or intimidated by another person’s behaviour.
Perhaps a camera doorbell could help avoid any future confrontation.
