DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE always been attracted to women and have had a happy relationship with one for more than five years.
But I have found myself in affairs with men. What’s worse, one of these guys is my girlfriend’s cousin.
I’m a man of 36 and my partner is 34. We are good together and have had a decent sex life.
But over the past year I’ve been having some thoughts about men. Although I am straight, I suddenly found my mind wandering.
Before I knew it I was addicted to watching gay porn. It almost felt like a drug I couldn’t get enough of.
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I didn’t think it would go any further than that.
But one day when I was on a night out I bumped into my girlfriend’s cousin. We’d both had too much to drink and it’s safe to say things got a little heated.
He had always been very vocal about his sexuality and with my liquid confidence, I found myself confessing my feelings to him.
One thing led to another and I ended up back at his place. The sex was amazing, and I felt like I had unlocked a part of myself I never knew existed.
I was hooked and continued to see him in secret. Things eventually escalated and I went on dating apps searching for hook-ups with other men.
I feel awful that I’m betraying my girlfriend like this, but it’s so confusing.
I love her more than anything and the thought of losing her breaks my heart. but what if I’m actually gay?
DEIDRE SAYS: Please put an end these affairs as soon as possible.
Whether you are straight, bi, or gay, you are cheating on your girlfriend and potentially putting her health at risk.
I understand how confusing it must be to sit with these feelings. But sleeping with other men behind her back, including her cousin, will only cause more problems.
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The best way to try to understand more about your sexuality is to talk through your feelings with someone who understands.
You can contact Switchboard LGBT+ (switchboard.lgbt, 0800 0119 100 or 0300 330 0630).
For many people, sexuality is a complicated thing and isn’t often as black and white as it may seem. It is possible you could be bisexual.
My support pack, Bisexual Questions, will help you think this through.
