DEAR DEIDRE: After finally leaving a horrible relationship, I’m starting to see my ex for who he really is.
Not only did he control and gaslit me for years, but he forced me to have sex with him too.
I’m 34, my ex is 39 and we were together for four years.
When we first met he love bombed me and made himself out to be the perfect man but by the time I was pregnant things became toxic.
I was convinced that I loved him so it took me a long time to realise how bad things really were.
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He would control everything I did, from what I wore, where I went, to when and how we had sex.
At the time I didn’t understand I could say no, and often would let him do what he wanted even if it hurt.
Now I’m starting to accept what he did to me and I’m struggling to come to terms with it.
Why didn’t I leave earlier? I feel like such a fool.
DEIDRE SAYS: Please know that what your ex did to you was not your fault.
Coming to terms with this can be incredibly difficult, and it’s important you talk to someone about what happened.
You can find support through Rape Crisis who will take you seriously and who will understand (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999).
You can then decide whether to report him too. He’s done it before and he will doubtless do it again.
There may not be the evidence to take it to court but it could warn him and others.
